Chaos After Death of Mandela

Riots after the death of MandelaBETHULIE – A massive outburst of violence is expected all over South Africa as soon as Nelson Mandela is dead. Uhuru, as it is known, is a prophesy that white people will be “swept into the sea”, famously foretold by Siener van Rensburg many, many, many years ago.

White people are stocking up on baked beans, bully beef and paraffin. Biltong is being dried, beskuit is being baked. Pumpkins are being taken off the roof and into the basement. Brandy is being rationed, and dogs are being donated to the SPCA.

Wouter Veenstra and his family have managed to convert their home into a compound. Veensra is not taking any chances. The steel bars on the windows have been replaced by titanium, and the windows now boast bulletproof glass. The roof of the house has been covered with camouflage netting. Shelves along the walls are lined with enough food, fuel and water to last approximately two months. “Our only problem is human waste,” revealed Veenstra. “If they figure out how to block it in they may be able to stink us out.”

Still, Veenstra is not about to give up, and preparations for the day when South Africa will be engulfed in a sea of violence continues full steam. He’s got a whole team of his black farm workers digging a bunker. If they manage to break through the first line of defence, the Veenstra family plans to descend into the underground. “We will survive, come what may,” declared Veenstra. “They’re not gonna get us. We’ll go into hiding if we have to. We’re not afraid of anyone.”

Can you see the Veenstra home?

Can you see the Veenstra home?

The cattle farmer from the farm Lankverloren near Bethulie is absolutely convinced that the impending doom awaiting him and his family is unavoidable. “I went to the local farmer’s co-op market and they didn’t have a single panga left on the shelf,” he claims. “That’s when I knew that uhuru wasn’t just a rumour. The black store clerk ensured me that it was bought by a white farmer who needed it to clear a field, but I know he’s lying.”

According to the fearful farmer, this inevitability has been expected for some time. “White people are being murdered every day. They also kill more black people, just to smudge the numbers so that no one can tell that they are systematically exterminating white people.”

Although white people are convinced that chaos is inevitable, there seems to be some uncertainty as to why this will undoubtedly happen. “I don’t know why those blacks will get so bloodthirsty,” uttered Sandra Beneke from Sannieshof. “Maybe they will all grieve so much that only killing a white man will ease the pain.”

The Movement for African Uhuru (MAU) confirmed that the possibility of violence is not simply another case of white paranoia. “People don’t just die,” stated General Kgalefa Mogotsi, the comrade in charge of MAU. “White people caused Apartheid. It is their fault that Mandela will die, and they must pay.”

When asked why they are waiting for Mandela to die, Mogotsi replied that Mandela wouldn’t want them to kill everyone, so they can’t do it before he is dead. “It would be disrespectful to the father of the nation to destroy his legacy while he is still alive,” he remarked. “We must wait until after his death. Then we can destroy.”

Mogotsi claims that they don’t have a choice; it is their destiny to create anarchy. “Mandela is a man of peace,” he said. “We may not have peace without Nelson Mandela.”

MAU’s military wing has been practicing their chants. Not all members speak Afrikaans, and they needed to learn fast. Songs of brooms and sweeping white people into the ocean have been ringing out over the training grounds at a secret location in the southern Free State.

“Die besem, die besem!
Wat maak jy daarmee? Wat maak jy daarmee?
Jy vee daarmee, jy vee daarmee,
die wittes in die see!”

“We want to sing in Afrikaans while we are out on a spree,” mentioned Mogotsi over a bowl of pap en vleis. “Those whites must know exactly what we are saying. We don’t want to have any confusion amids the chaos.”

English: Young Nelson Mandela. This photo date...

A young Nelson Mandela, before he became a terrorist fighting for peace.

Black spokesmen keep assuring everyone that there will be no violent uprisings after Mandela’s death. “All we want are schools and jobs,” suggested Kagiso Bakone. “Retribution against white people for Apartheid is a waste of time and effort. Violence is stressful. We’ll leave that to the criminals.”

“Mandela has been old and frail for some time, and retired from political and public life long ago,” affirmed ANC spokesman Gijimi Cela. Peace and stability continued even without him.”

According to Mogotsi, those people are all MAU representatives. “Our agents are working hard to keep white people calm,” he revealed. “We need the element of surprise. We can’t get them if they’re hiding. We don’t want them to see us coming. Those whites won’t know what hit them.”

White people are not convinced either. “This is not just more white paranoia,” asserted the Freedom Front’s Pieter Rademeier. “We know it will happen. Blacks will make it happen, just because whites started a rumour that it will happen.”

“We were wrong when we expected destruction after Mandela was freed in ’90,” maintains Veenstra. “We were wrong when we expected everything to fall apart after Mandela became president in ’94. We are confident that it will be third time lucky. We can’t be wrong all the time.” BN

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Miriam Mokoena

Miriam Mokoena

Miriam defied her tribal elders and got an education. She then defied her tribal elders and became a journalist. Now she defies her tribal elders by reporting on her tribal elders.

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38 responses to “Chaos After Death of Mandela

  1. This article is causing unnecessary concerns. The people are all going to come together to continue in what Mandela would have wished. The other misleading point in your stupid article is that WHITES were not responsible for apartheid. AFRIKAANERS were!!. Big difference…. catch a wake up. Man, big difference whites and AFRIKAANERS….

    Like

    • Greg do you think black people are stupid enough to believe Afrikaaners kept Apartheid going by themselves? English and Jewish whites happily went along.

      Like

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  9. bwahaha wtf is this. I stopped reading more than half way. The website owner must be on serious ASS CRACK. LMFAO

    Like

  10. Wil net se, al die drygemente maak dat ons gereed maak,as so iets gaan gebeur,gaan daar baie van julle ook sterf,dalk julle wat nou hier ons so graag wil dood he,of van julle families,ons gaan nie net stil staan nie.Dan sien die wereld ook wat aangaan en hoe julle ons haat en wil uitmoor en die wrede maniere wat julle dit doen,dink julle hulle gaan net hande gevou sit?daar is reeds van hulle wat ons gaan help.Is julle beryd om te sterf of om van julle mense waarvoor julle lief is te verloor? En dit net omdat julle nie van ons hou nie.Wel van ons mense het meer rede om julle te haat en te wil uitmoor, as dit gebeur,gaan dit n helse bakleiery wees.Gaan julle saam baklei of wegkruip dat ander die vuil werk doen? Onthou ons het ook ons planne van aksie en weet wat ons gaan doen.So ons is nie die enigste mense wat bang moet wees nie,want dalk sterf jy ook.Is jy gereed om te sterf?

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  11. I’m surprised at the obvious idiocy of my previous “fellow” commentators. You’re all a bunch of tossers for carrying on the way you have. JULLE IS ONNOSELE MOERE, BOERE. Honestly.
    Anyway, loved the article. It’s great that we can be grown up enough to laugh at ourselves. Keep it up!

    Like

  12. Lag lekker vir jou humor, maar pasop dis vlambaar, daar is ver regse radikales wat kan begin skiet en dan vrae vra en n burgeroorlog is nie baie snaaks nie, maak eerder iets snaaks oor n vet Malema se aangetrokkenheid tot geld en sy ik van 6, melktert tannies in voortrekker kappies, vet vuil bebaarde AWB mans om n tafel vol drankbottels op CNN, Constant Viljoen se vraads trane op tv en Zuma se anti aids showers om net n paar te noem, dit gese ek like jou site maar vermy liewer die gevaarlike opstokende onderwerpe, cheers

    Like

  13. A young Nelson Mandela, before he became a terrorist fighting for peace. Terrorist fighting for peace doesn’t make sense does it. Your either peaceful or a terrorist not both. Nelson Mandela is just another murderer and God’s punishment will be just!!!!

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  14. Okay..I think black people should get a life,I have friends that’s black but they all good,some of them is just mentally F***k up..and what is the police doing about this threats being made?I think the police should take action emmediatly..and they shouldn’t wait for people to get killed,really now???iam not racist,I like whites and blacks,but now the fact that they are threatening innocent people that has got nothing to do with the condition that madiba is in,is not ayoba

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    • Ek stem saam,nie al die swartes is dieselfde nie,net soos al die wittes nie dieselfde is nie.Daar is baie van hulle wat teen al die geweld is.Baie wittes wil wraak neem en ander bid weer vir vrede en wil nie geweld he nie.

      Like

  15. They should get a life,it just shows that the “blacks” had a grief for “whites” all along..well some of the “blacks” I think they should get a life and what are the police doing to those who’s making all these threats? I think they should be delt with,let’s no wait and see what happens taker action emmediatly…17 year old coloured

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  16. It doesn’t seem like many people have a sense of humour nowadays from reading the comments. This is a news satire site where all stories are made up!

    Like

  17. my fok, mense is onosel, een, hou n dom fokken christen wees, god gaan niks doeni, hy het nog nooit want hy bestaan nie, twee leer om te spel in engels, drie, hou op fokken rassisties wees, julle fokken christene wat apartheid probeer regbewys het deur middel van die bybel, lololol. om wet van fiksie af te maak is so dom soos wat jule dink swartmense is. gaan dood

    Like

    • jY IS DIE ONNOSELE EEN,JY BESEF DUIDELIK NIE DIE MAG VAN GOD NIE,JY MOET LIEWERSTE OP JOU KNIEE GAAN EN BID EN VIR GOD VRA OM JOU TE VERGEWE EN JOU TE HELP OM N KIND VAN DIE HERE TE WORD.ONS MOET VIR JOU BID,WANT JY WEET DUIDELIK NIE WAT JY DOEN NIE.

      Like

  18. This is by far the biggest load of crap My eyes have fell upon in quite some time!! You understand the term trolling?

    Like

  19. They don’t want peace,they want everything for them self with out working for it.We didn’t got houses from the state,we work for it and we suffered to pay taxes,water and electricity.We all must die one time or another,and that is for God to decide.But if they want war they will get war.But then it must be fare,if they kill one of us we must kill ten of them.Becuase they all ready had kill 370,000 of our people.

    Like

  20. Dear Miss Mokoena,

    Can you please advise as to where this so called “Secret Training Grounds” are exactly? …and why this Mogotsi character is not in jail for these threats? I would like to obtain detail about his whereabouts as I will not sit idly by while my existence is being threatened. I intend to lay charges against you and this person for conspiracy to commit murder. If you want to avoid being charged as well, then please provide me with Mogotsi’s contact detail so the charges can be made against him directly!

    Like

  21. Do the blacks fink wee going to sit that thy kill as all of the can come wee will kill them one by one thy for get the. Blood river wee will see it a gen. And God will stop them in thy tracks thy fink thy run then thy ar died no bullet no gun just died.

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  23. this mooli e isnt gone yet?
    have the cat bury the turd already.
    no shortage of spears being preped in s.a.

    Like

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