Germany Considers Ban on Skiing


A German skier in action in Garmisch, Bavarian Alps

BERLIN – The European nation of Germany is considering new laws that will bring an end to skiing after evidence emerged that Germans can’t ski.

The new bill will bar all Germans with wanderlust from waltzing up a mountain while it’s covered with snow. “We must make to ski illegal in Deutschland,” declared Mitglied des Bundestages Wolfgang Berg. “It’s a matter of survival. The total annihilation of the German race is at stake.”

Germany has been hit by a blitzkrieg of unfortunate skiing incidents.

First it was former Formula 1 Racing Champion Michael Schumacher, who survived after deliberately crashing into Damon Hill just to end up in a coma after undeliberately crashing into a demonic hill.

This was followed by Chancellor Angela Merkel who survived a European market crash just to crash on the side of a European mountain. “We must make an end to the madness,” barked MdB Berg. “Before our proud nation is kaput.”

Most Germans support the proposed bill. “It’s wunderbar,” cheered Sebastian Biermann before gulping down a glass of schnapps. “People shouldn’t waste their time with such nonsense. They should be working. Arbeit macht frei.”

However, not all Germans are so compliant. “If they try to stop me from skiing I’ll choke them with my wife’s sauerkraut,” threatened Maximilian Eberhardt. “If the lack of oxygen doesn’t kill them, her cooking will.”

Despite a few voices of dissent, MdB Berg remains determined that the Nationalen Ski-Verbot is the only way to march forward. “A total halt is the final solution to the skiing problem.” BN


Angry Bird Hiawatha - Foreign Correspondent

Angry Bird Hiawatha – Foreign Correspondent

Angry Bird has been to the end of the earth. He has been to the end of the water. He has been to the end of the sky. He has been to the end of the mountains. He has found none that are not his friends.




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