In what will arguably be the greatest debating event of the 21st century, Bill Nye and Ken Ham will verbally wrestle it out in what has been dubbed “The Clash of the Short-named Scholars”. It’s expected to be a rumble of epic proportions, the kind not seen since George Foreman got himself knocked out by a roaring Muhammad Ali during the eighth round in a Kinshasa boxing ring.
The clash will pit two experts on existence against each other, in a battle to determine the origin of mankind, or indeed life itself.
The event has generated substantial interest, crashing several web forums as cyber hooligans slug it out in support of their man.
“This is the most important event of our lifetime,” explained internet philosopher Tim Burtman. “When the battle is over and the dust finally settled, we will once and for all know who we are and where we came from.”
Bill Nye the Science Guy, builder of the MarsDial, is famous for a hosting television show wherein he tricked kids into knowing science. The former entertainer is so atheist that he’s not even sure that he himself exists, and will be defending Evolution by Natural Selection, the theory that we’re cousins of the monkeys – first invented by Charles Darwin in 1859.
Ken Ham, builder of the Creation Museum, is famous for publishing children’s educational books with covers suggesting people rode on dinosaurs. The former intellectual, who looks remarkably similar to the biblical prophet Jeremiah, will be taking the side of Young Earth Creationism, the 6 000 year old theory that dinosaur bones were buried to test our faith.
Analysers seem to lean towards a victory for Bill Nye. “He’s got a slight advantage over Ham,” insisted blog reader Michael Hodgkins. “His first name has four letters, while Ken only has three.”
Several pundits, however, are adamant that Ham might be able to pull off an upset. “Do not underestimate Ken,” suggested Dan Moreno, a betting man from Cincinnati. “He’s got a beard. That could easily be mistaken for wisdom.”
Those close to the Ham camp remain optimistic about his chances. “The extra “L” is definitely something for Ken to worry about,” considered Steve Ham, Ken’s business partner and long-time brother. “But he has bathed in oil and will come preordained.”
On the other side, Team Nye is confident that their steadfast preparation will be more than reasonable. “He has worked really hard at reducing his carbon footprint,” enthused friend and neighbour Ed Begley. “Right now he’s in the best shape of his life. He’ll crush anyone”
One thing everyone is certain about is that you won’t want to miss it. “This is the battle that will be remembered for years to come. Future generations will ask each other, “Were you there when it happened? Were you there?” BN
Arthur spent many years trying to find empirical evidence that the earth is round. When he discovered it has already been proven he decided to focus on reporting the findings of other, more distinguished scientists instead. In his free time he researches the psychology of African killer bees.