Voortrekker Monument Secretly Sold

Voortrekker Monument

The Voortrekker Chinese Plaza in Pretoria

PRETORIA — In a quiet backdoor deal, the South African Government has sold the Voortrekker Monument to Chinese developers in what China has called “the most idealest investment opportunity in South Africa ever.” With this move it is hoped that South Africa’s relationship with China will improve.

It is envisaged that the Monument will soon be converted into the biggest Chinese Plaza in the Southern hemisphere. According to economists, demand exceeds supply in South Africa, which is why China is so desperate increase its outlet presence in the country.

Mr Chin Yang, Economist at the University of London in London, England, noted that South Africa has a rapidly growing middle class, which is not only driving economic growth but also the property market as tens of thousands of people move out of townships and into suburbs each year. “All these people moving out of shacks need cheap Chinese electronics to watch soccer in their own living rooms,” Yang said.

As a result the country is struggling with a housing backlog that Government has been trying to address for years, and continues to do so in a bid to eradicate informal settlements. “The new mall will have a division to retail instant inflatable Chinese houses,” revealed Yang. “That should inflate South Africa’s property market, and speed up the housing problem.”

The South African delegation responsible for negotiating the deal is exceptionally pleased by their vision and foresight to bend towards the mighty Red Dragon. “We are not a fong kong government,” declared key negotiator Botsi Kgomotsi. “We know a good deal when we see one.”

Afrikaner civil rights group Afriforum insisted that the new mall be named Voortrekker Plaza. “You can sell the monument to whomever you want,” emphasised spokesman Dieter Pieters. “But we want to categorically state that we oppose name changes in all its forms.”

The Chinese, in concurrence with their “don’t ask, don’t tell” foreign policy, gave their assurance that no such changes will take place. “We have our foremost scholars inventing a Chinese symbol for Voortrekker as we speak,” reassured Chong Pow of the Chinese delegation.

“Converting the Monument into a modern Shopping Centre is the perfect opportunity for China to contribute to South Africa’s ever-growing economy,” Pow continued. “Global consumerism is the very foundation of Chinese socialism. The Voortrekker Mall will be a true testament to the spirit of hope, joy and fulfilment that comes with rampant consumerism, and I’m just glad the Chinese could be a part of it.”

Our sources could not confirm the amount paid for the monument, in neither rand nor yuan. BN

Banana Newsline on Facebook and Twitter

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie enjoyed the privilege of Apartheid rule and never bothered to get a proper education. The regime change left him unskilled, unemployed and broke, so he settled for being a reporter. Now he’s only unskilled and broke.

Advertisements

12 responses to “Voortrekker Monument Secretly Sold

  1. In jou eie woorde is jy, ‘n dom Afrikaner, soos my boertjie Pa, en nie ‘n lid van die Afrikanerdom nie.

    Ek het opgemerk, dat jy is ook te dom, en dof, om jou eie naam te skrywe nie.

    Dis seke die resultaat van die ou Bantu Skoolstelsel van die NP, en nie jou skuld nie.

    Groete, Keith Knott.

    Like

  2. Spot on, it is about time that this monstrosity was put to good use…

    LOL, my suggestion, many years ago, that, as a sincere act of reconciliation, the Voortrekker Monument should be dismantled brick by brick, and used to build RDP Housing, brought about an angry response, and several death threats too, from the dom Afrikaner radical section of Afrikanerdom.

    Even my own reborn Xtian racist Pa disowned me. I have lost count of the number of times my Pa forced me to visit the Voortrekker Monument with him each year wearing my school uniform, for the celebrations on the 16th December ‘Day Of The Vow’.

    8|

    Like

    • Keith, ek is van die dom afrikaners, en ek is van die opinie jy is ‘n kont. Ek hoop jou kinders bly almal in RDP huise en steel vir hul self fietse by Makro. Doos

      Like

      • In jou eie woorde is jy, ‘n dom Afrikaner, soos my boertjie Pa, en nie ‘n lid van die Afrikanerdom nie.

        Ek het opgemerk, dat jy is ook te dom, en dof, om jou eie naam te skrywe nie. Dis seke die resultaat van die ou Bantu Skoolstelsel van die NP, en nie jou skuld nie.

        Groete, Keith Knott.

        8|

        Like

  3. This stupid idiot has nothing to write about and comes up with this.

    Like

  4. We should shoot people that waste our time writing Sh%$ like this.

    Like

  5. What a load of crap…..which idiots wastes time to think of such crap…

    Like

  6. What the fuck

    Like

  7. Like it!

    Like

  8. Many a truth spoken in jest? LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  9. why does it take so long to write us the next BananaNewsLine?

    Like

The opinions on Banana Newsline, even the opinions expressed by Banana Newsline, are not the opinions of Banana Newsline. Enter your opinion below.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s