PRETORIA — In a quiet backdoor deal, the South African Government has sold the Voortrekker Monument to Chinese developers in what China has called “the most idealest investment opportunity in South Africa ever.” With this move it is hoped that South Africa’s relationship with China will improve.
It is envisaged that the Monument will soon be converted into the biggest Chinese Plaza in the Southern hemisphere. According to economists, demand exceeds supply in South Africa, which is why China is so desperate increase its outlet presence in the country.
Mr Chin Yang, Economist at the University of London in London, England, noted that South Africa has a rapidly growing middle class, which is not only driving economic growth but also the property market as tens of thousands of people move out of townships and into suburbs each year. “All these people moving out of shacks need cheap Chinese electronics to watch soccer in their own living rooms,” Yang said.
As a result the country is struggling with a housing backlog that Government has been trying to address for years, and continues to do so in a bid to eradicate informal settlements. “The new mall will have a division to retail instant inflatable Chinese houses,” revealed Yang. “That should inflate South Africa’s property market, and speed up the housing problem.”
The South African delegation responsible for negotiating the deal is exceptionally pleased by their vision and foresight to bend towards the mighty Red Dragon. “We are not a fong kong government,” declared key negotiator Botsi Kgomotsi. “We know a good deal when we see one.”
Afrikaner civil rights group Afriforum insisted that the new mall be named Voortrekker Plaza. “You can sell the monument to whomever you want,” emphasised spokesman Dieter Pieters. “But we want to categorically state that we oppose name changes in all its forms.”
The Chinese, in concurrence with their “don’t ask, don’t tell” foreign policy, gave their assurance that no such changes will take place. “We have our foremost scholars inventing a Chinese symbol for Voortrekker as we speak,” reassured Chong Pow of the Chinese delegation.
“Converting the Monument into a modern Shopping Centre is the perfect opportunity for China to contribute to South Africa’s ever-growing economy,” Pow continued. “Global consumerism is the very foundation of Chinese socialism. The Voortrekker Mall will be a true testament to the spirit of hope, joy and fulfilment that comes with rampant consumerism, and I’m just glad the Chinese could be a part of it.”
Our sources could not confirm the amount paid for the monument, in neither rand nor yuan. BN
Manie enjoyed the privilege of Apartheid rule and never bothered to get a proper education. The regime change left him unskilled, unemployed and broke, so he settled for being a reporter. Now he’s only unskilled and broke.