DA Promises a Winning Bafana Bafana

The Bafana Bafana team, proudly brought to you by the ANC.

The Bafana Bafana team, proudly brought to you by the ANC.

CAPE TOWN – As part of their plan for a South Africa “we can all believe in”, the Democratic Alliance announced that they will ensure a triumphant Bafana Bafana team.

In a press conference on Monday, the party insisted that a winning national team is essential to the wellbeing of all South Africans. “The people need houses, food, service delivery and a winning Bafana,” exclaimed Winston Rabotapi, DA shadow minister of sport.

Winston Rabotapi

The main opposition party’s strategy for a better Bafana Bafana include removing corruption at all levels of SAFA, improving the distribution of soccer balls to all areas and establishing a Youth Player Wage Subsidy to ensure the development of younger players. The party also intends to introduce tax breaks for clubs who contribute players to a winning national team. “Clubs will do anything for money,” said Rabotapi. “If we dangle a carrot, they will try to eat it.”

According to the DA, under ANC rule the country has seen a steady decline in Bafana Bafana’s performance. “The legacy of Nelson Mandela is that of a winning team, with players like Doctor Khumalo, Neil Tovey and Mark Fish raising the AFCON trophy during his term in office,” claimed Rabotapi. “Since then, the level of performance gradually deteriorated.”

The party maintains that the squad’s success rate is at an all-time low. “With Jacob Zuma as president, the team couldn’t even beat Ethiopia or Botswana to qualify for the world cup tournament,” Rabotapi said. “Even prominent ministers have started calling them “a bunch of losers”.”

Fikile Mbalula

Sports minister Fikile Mbalula demanded that the DA retract their comments. “Zuma doesn’t know anything about soccer,” he insisted. “The ANC is not out there on the field. It’s an insult to the ANC and the players of Bafana Bafana to suggest otherwise.”

EFF’s Commander-in-Chief Julius Malema reiterated calls to nationalise South African football. “Soccer belongs to the people,” he declared. “We must nationalise the clubs to ensure that the people can benefit from having a winning team.”

Despite criticism, the DA remains firm. “We will restore the glory of South African football,” asserted Rabotapi passionately. “A Vote for the DA is a vote for Bafana.” BN

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Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Like all good sportsmen, Raoul was born in the Free State before being offered more money to move to Gauteng. He has such a keen knowledge of the games that he doesn’t need to watch it to know what’s going on. When he’s not following athletes around, Raoul can be found on his farm near Bronkhorstspruit, drinking whiskey and shooting his gun.

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