Pistorius Vomit Caused by Buffet Breakfast

Oscar Pistorius selfie taken outside Safari Restaurant

Oscar Pistorius selfie taken outside Safari Restaurant (source: Facebook)

PRETORIA – An early morning buffet breakfast from a local Pretoria restaurant caused Pistorius’s in-court vomiting, sources revealed.

Pistorius spent a whole day in court vomiting into a bucket handed to him by a police officer. The incident occurred while the “Blade Runner” was listening to the testimony of pathologist Gert Saayman, who related graphic details of his findings, which did not help Oscar’s affliction at all.

The Safari Restaurant and Garden Centre in Lynwood Road, The Willows, was reportedly visited by a famished Pistorius on the morning of his wretched in-court projectile display.  The long-standing Pretoria East establishment is well known for dishing up spectacular buffet breakfasts as well as satisfying your every gardening need.

“Yes, he was here early, as soon as we opened our doors,” remembered manager Martin de Villiers. “He seated himself quietly in the corner, facing the wall, after piling up a plate of bacon on buttered toast, splashed with Tabasco.”

Witnesses claimed that Pistorius seemed intent on consuming his own weight in pork bangers. “I thought it would end after he settled for a small bowl of muesli and yogurt,” gasped regular customer Hendrietta Vermeulen. “But he wrestled his way back to the serving counter and loaded another plate with scrambled eggs smothered in All Gold. I guess to him it must’ve tasted as good as good food should.”

Restaurant employees insisted that they have never seen anything like it. “Usually I’d fill the tray of baked beans only once, leave it out all morning, then throw out the leftovers,” mentioned trainee waitress Maggie Phulani. “Oscar stumbled over and devoured it all with Worcester sauce.”

According to Dr. Julio Castro M.D, of the Steve Biko Academic Hospital, overeating can lead to nausea. “In most cases, repeated vomiting will eventually bring relief to the queasiness,” he surmised. “It quickly reduces the pressure on the stomach lining and restores the organ to its natural state.”

Some experts in the field of courtroom drama described it as a deliberate ploy by the Pistorius defence team to garner sympathy for the accused. “Vomiting is meant to give the impression that Oscar can’t handle the truth,” opined Eyewitness News senior reporter Barry Bateman. “This feigns remorse and disgust at his own actions. Barry Roux is trying to show to Judge Masipa that Pistorius doesn’t like what he did, and if you don’t like what you do, then you won’t do it on purpose.”

The management of the Safari Restaurant and Garden Centre was quick to dismiss any claims that the quality of their food unsettled Pistorius’s stomach. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with our food,” insisted De Villiers. “Here, take a bite from this mushroom-covered hash brown and tell me how your intestines feel.”

“The average patron gorges until he’s full, takes a few more bites just in case, and lies back sipping the last of his mango juice from a straw lazily perched in the corner of his mouth,” De Villiers explained. “Oscar just kept eating and eating.”

When asked why he allowed Pistorius to overindulge himself in that manner, De Villiers explained that there was nothing he could do. It’s an “all you can eat” buffet,” he continued. “It would be unethical to stop a man from eating all he can.”

The restaurant also faced criticism for serving Pistorius on the morning before his trial. “We can’t deny service to a person simply because said person has been accused of murder,” De Villiers responded. “Even if he’s a superstar athlete.”

Speaking on behalf of the former Olympian, an associate of defence lawyer Roux denied any allegations that Pistorius’s puking was because he had a babelaas on that particular morning. BN

Barend Strijdom – Law Correspondent

Barend Strijdom – Law Correspondent

While serving time and trying to fight the system from the inside, Barend learnt a thing or two about the law. He follows the law closely, from a distance, and the law follows him. Do not tell anyone that he’s out.

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