HILLBROW – Nigerian citizens living in South Africa have threatened to leave the country unless their demand to participate in future elections is met.
Earlier this week, Nigerians demanded to be allocated ward council and parliamentary positions, because South African companies make a lot of money in Nigeria, contributing significantly to the South African economy.
Clayson Monyela, a spokesperson for the Department of International Relations and Cooperation, said such demands by Nigerians were “ridiculous” and “unacceptable.”
Representatives of Nigeria are outraged at Monyela’s remarks. “The people of Naija will not stand for this,” said Abayomi Adeboyejo, a slumlord in Little Lagos (Hillbrow), Johannesburg. It’s becoming obvious to us that we’re not welcome here. If the situation doesn’t improve, we might as well pack up and leave.”
Economists speculated that if Nigerians were to leave South Africa, it could have a devastating effect on the economy. “First of all, the drug trade will suffer immensely,” surmised Jonathon Bayer of KPMG. “Without the Nigerians and their well developed smuggling networks, we could end up with a severe shortage of hard narcotics on our city streets.”
The shortfall could cause a steep rise in the street value of contraband, which could disrupt the lives of many. “When demand significantly outweighs supply, prices could climb considerably,” supposed Bayer. “This could put smack outside the reach of most casual abusers, forcing many of them to resort to an agonising life of sobriety.”
Furthermore, economists believe that a Nigerian exodus could have dire consequences for the sex industry. “Nigerian pimping ability is by far superior,” explained Bayer. “Their skills are invaluable. Without them, who would keep dem hoes in check proper?”
Thousands of women depend on prostitution to make a living, and to afford the drugs they desperately need to make their miserable lives bearable. “I don’t know what I’d do without the Nigerians,” sobbed Sara*, a drug addicted prostitute from inner city Joburg. “They give me a job so I can afford to buy tik, and they supply me with enough tik so I can cope with doing my horrible job.”
In spite of all the pressure, Monyela and his department remains firm. “If you want to vote in a South African election, enter the country legally and apply for citizenship,” he said. “Until then, we’ll find our own way to smuggle drugs.” BN
*Not her real name
Despite being previously disadvantaged, Dumisani managed to achieve the 30% mark required to pass matric. It was enough to enable him to secure his dream job: Being a journalist. Dumisani lives on his couch with his two plants.