JOHANNESBURG – The Economic Freedom Fighters stormed the Gauteng Legislature on Tuesday, demanding to nationalise the provincial MPs’ lunch.
Terrified MPs handed over their skaftiens before getting escorted to safety by riot police. “It was horrible,” groaned a petrified official. “I was about to enjoy a delightful pastrami sandwich when they entered my office. I could only stand and watch while an EFF member gorged himself on my sarmie. “
Members of the revolutionary party swirled around the building, smashing windows and demanding more food. “We are hungry, and we spent all our money on red overalls,” explained one ravenous EFF mutineer.
Pieces of pastry were flying appetizingly through the air, smashing into the faces of the cackling mob. “We are Economic Food Fighters,” shrieked a rapacious rabble-rouser before attacking a comrade with a cream doughnut.
A sobbing MP, rescued by the police from the EFF mob, described how a rioter simply helped himself to her freshly poured glass of milk. “He just threw it down his throat remorselessly, but most of it ran down his cheeks and dripped onto the floor,” she snivelled. “But I’m not crying over spilt milk, I’m crying from all the teargas.”
Police fired rubber bullets and teargas in an attempt to disperse the large horde of EFF hooligans jammed at the entrance of the legislature, harassing passers-by while chanting: “Today free food, tomorrow free everything!”
The EFF’s firebrand leader, Julius Malema, stated that riots and chaos are important aspects of the party’s policy. “The EFF is the party for the poor,” reminded Malema. “We are creating jobs. Somebody needs to rebuild this place again after we destroy it.”
Malema also defended the party’s red overalls. “There is no greater issue in our democracy than the right to wear overalls,” he asserted. “We cannot even begin to fight poverty, inequality and wealth distribution while we are still struggling for our right to wear red overalls in parliament.”
The ANC condemned the EFF disturbance. “It’s disgusting, and no way to behave,” insisted provincial spokesman Nkenke Kekana “There are many more civil ways to loot the government.” BN
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