Malema: Earthquakes Won’t Stop Unless Zuma Pays Back The Money

Julius Malema is waiting for an answer. Still waiting.

Julius Malema is waiting for an answer. Still waiting.

CAPE TOWN – The Economic Freedom Fighters claim that the series of earthquakes rocking South Africa will not come to an end unless Zuma pays back the money used to upgrade his Nkandla homestead.

“The ancestors are unhappy because Jacob has taken the pap from our mouths to build his Nkandla,” insisted Julius Malema, Commander-in-Chief of the Economic Freedom Fighters, speaking to the press after being thrown out of parliament for asking Zuma when he will pay back the money.

Chaos erupted in parliament after Malema asked Jacob Zuma when he will pay back the money, and the president tried to avoid answering the question. Eventually, in an effort to protect the president from all accountability, National Assembly Speaker Baleka Mbete ordered Malema to stop bothering the president by asking him questions he doesn’t like. In response, the EFF started singing “pay back the money”, until they were finally removed from parliament by force.

“If he doesn’t pay back the money our forefathers will sweep us all, along with his precious homestead, into the Indian Ocean. Cattle kraal and all.” Malema continued.

The ANC is appalled by the actions of the EFF, and issued a severe criticism. “This kind of behaviour is a real threat to our corruption,” said Mac Maharaj, spokesman for the presidency. “We have carefully set up institutions to ensure that we can avoid all accountability, and we can’t have these young hooligans marching in and disrupt our thieving. There will be consequences. The EFF will one day have to account for their actions today.”

Despite scepticism from certain quarters, the red-overalled parliamentarian claims to have proof beyond a doubt that the earthquakes were caused by the Nkandla scandal. “There have been three earthquakes since Jacob built Nkandla, two of them after Thuli [Madonsela] released her damning report,” he asserted.” South Africa never had an earthquake before, not even during Apartheid have I felt the earth shake under me.”

The firebrand politician believes that Zuma should make an effort to pay back the money soon, for the sake of the health and safety of all South Africans. “I’m really scared, and I don’t scare easily. Even white people don’t scare me,” he mumbled. “I shudder just thinking about the shaking quake. Pay back the money.”

At the time of writing, the president has not indicated if and when he will pay back the money. “We consider the rise in earthquakes as very serious and worrying, and will appoint a presidential task team to investigate the matter,” confirmed Maharaj.” The president will wait for its findings before yet again trying to avoid having to make a response about not paying back the money.”

Although scientists and politicians don’t necessarily agree on the actual cause of the earthquakes, both weather scientists and political analysts agree that South Africa should brace itself for further turmoil. Said eTV weatherman Gerrie Keyser: “Hang on, we’re in for a bumpy ride.” BN

Boston Masilela – Political Analyst

Boston Masilela – Political Analyst

Boston Masilela used to be a freedom fighter. When the battle against freedom was lost he switched his ak-47 for a yellow Bic pen and took up journalism instead. He prefers rooibos tea, enjoys a party and all his friends are politicians.

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