Helen Zille Disrupts Media House, Demands Attention

Helen Zille out in full force.

Helen Zille out in full force.

JOHANNESBURG – A group of Democratic Alliance supporters, led by party leader Helen Zille, invaded media house Media24’s Johannesburg office, creating chaos and forcing several newspapers to shut down temporarily.

Even though security tried to block them off at the gate, at least 300 DA members – including Zille – managed to squeeze through. Once they gained access to the building, they swarmed through the offices, some even helping themselves to journalists’ lunch.

The party demanded that the media pay a little attention to them. “Look, we can cause havoc too,” shouted a deranged Zille while dumping a wastepaper basket over the reception desk. “Just look at that pile of rubbish right there! Now, write about it. Go on, write!”

Zille then took her R300 red lipstick out of her blue designer purse and proceeded to write “The DA is here to stay” on the conference room wall, before kicking over a chair and demanding to see the editor of Rapport.

The DA members – all dressed in blue overalls with blue DA berets perched on their heads – were notably angry that the Economic Freedom Fighters were stealing their thunder and getting all the headlines. “We are convinced that the EFF is an ANC conspiracy to get the media to forget about the DA, and we won’t stand for it,” grunted DA member John Willoughby, before shooting an elastic band at an innocent bystander. “We won’t allow those EFF hooligans to get away with it. We will fight back.”

Despite repeated request to calm down, the mob refused to leave, and proceeded to sing “Write about the DA, write about the DA.” Riot police was called in and finally managed to clear the building.

The DA threatened to continue disrupting the media until they are allowed back onto the front page. “We will be here once a week, every week,” Zille insisted.” Well, maybe every two weeks or so. Our supporters have jobs to go to.”

Several journalists were visibly shaken up by the ordeal. “I’ve never been so terrified,” remarked a shivering Samuel Ngube, reporter for City Press. “Usually we go to the riot. The riot never comes to us.”

Media24 CEO, Esmaré Weideman, reassured the DA that the media group is not deliberately trying to snub the party. “Our readers simply prefer reading about corruption, death and destruction,” she said. “If the DA wants more attention they will have to be more corrupt. Who knows, maybe then they may even win the next election.” BN

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie enjoyed the privilege of Apartheid rule and never bothered to get a proper education. The regime change left him unskilled, unemployed and broke, so he settled for being a reporter. Now he’s only unskilled and broke.

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