WITBANK – Emergency quarantine procedures were initiated after the Afrikaans singer/actress Sorina Erasmus was admitted to the Witbank Provincial Hospital on Sunday. This is the seventh suspected case of Ebola in South Africa since the start of the recent outbreak that has claimed so many lives already.
Reports suggest that the singer of megahits such as “Die Witbank Wenresep” managed to make it to the hospital all by herself. On arrival she apparently demanded to see “a doctor, a real doctor, one with a degree and all that rigmarole.”
An eyewitness confirmed that The Flooze entered the hospital on all fours before puking into a palm tree pot plant and tumbling over onto her back. When medical personnel arrived, she tuned the doctor “howzit, my tjomma,” before stumbling to her feet and collapsing on the gurney.
The 7de Laan star was immediately rushed to a makeshift quarantine facility where she was tended to by nurses in full protective gear. When a nurse in a hazmat suit entered the room, she reportedly tuned the nurse “ek watch jou, Mannemarak,” before hurling more pap en sous onto the nervous nurse’s feet.
Doctors took samples of her blood and rushed it through testing to confirm if she had indeed been infected by the deadly Ebola virus. Results showed a blood alcohol level of 0.34mg. However, she tested negative for Ebola.
The Flooze confirmed that she had a late night with a group of local Witbank bikers and things got a little out of hand. “I didn’t mean to make such a mess. True as Bob,” she said. “I promise, cross my heart and hot cross bun, I’ll never drink again. Not until this Ebola thing is over. From now on I’ll be drinking net Oros in ‘n lang glas.”
Sorina is currently resting in the hospital’s general ward, with a drip to replace her lost bodily fluids and ease her over her paradigm shifting babelaas.
The biker gang could not be reached for comment.
At present, no South African has ever had Ebola. Ever. BN
Saartjie wanted to be a pop singer but she couldn’t sing. Instead, she started following pop singers around. She became a journalist to avoid getting arrested.