Exclusive: Oscar Pistorius’ First Prison Birthday Celebrations

Tiny Tsepho takes good care of Oscar

Tiny Tsepho takes good care of Oscar [image by Flems]

PRETORIA – Three-time paralympian and first-time killer Oscar Pistorius celebrated his first birthday behind bars – and 28th over all – on Saturday, 22 November, only one month into his 10 month prison visit.

Pistorius received a slap on the wrist after he repeatedly shot his bathroom door because it was locked.

Prison has not been easy for the former sponsored millionaire, as living without the freedom he enjoyed ever since he got his first prosthetic leg was weighing him down, but his fellow inmates, lead by cellmate Tiny Tsepho Tikumbura, decided to make his birthday really memorable so that the supernova can feel right at home. “Oscar is very special,” Tiny Tsepho remarked. “And I’m not just saying it because he’s disabled.”

At breakfast, Oscar was allowed to pour some extra sugar over his immaculately-starched runny porridge, and, as a special treat, convicted serial killer Baby Zakes Maltabela did not shove him off his leg pegs to expropriate his apple.

Baby Zakes makes no apologies for regularly beating up the world-beating paraplegic. “Why should I treat Oscar different because he walks on pathetic legs?” he wondered. “A man is a man, he is a man, even if he’s only half a man, and I want his apple.”

After the morning meal, the convicts moved out into the yard so those who have legs could stretch them, and to breathe in a bit of the fresh city smog. Oscar was invited to join a game of soccer. “He can play along,” mumbled petty criminal Mischief Mazakadza, “as long as he doesn’t try to kick the ball with one of his spiked hooves.”

During lunch, Oscar’s closest inmates presented him with a birthday cake. Baked with wheat flour, corn starch, a few eggs and too much sugar, and decorated with a paste made of blackened bananas, the special birthday boy’s cake even had a candle – a loose draw, lit and stuck into the middle.

The inmates enjoyed a lazy afternoon, just lounging around their cells as if there’s nothing to do. Oscar was treated to a relaxing massage by his cellmate Tiny Tsepho, who used a whole tin of Zam Buk on the athlete’s back to soothe the skin.

At first, Oscar was a little reluctant to accept the massage, but Tiny Tsepho made a very convincing argument. “You may be the fastest man on no legs,” he said, “but here in prison there is nowhere to run.”

Towards the end of the day the Pruno (a bile-flavoured wine cooler made by Baby Zakes from stale bread, tomato sauce and the apples he commandeered from Oscar every morning) started to flow liberally.

A few hours later, well lubricated and suitably dulled, the inmates finally returned to their cells, where Oscar was tucked in snugly by the ever tender Tiny Tsepho, just before lights out. “I’m so happy right now,” giggled Oscar. “If I had my gun I’d shoot it in the air.”

At this point, all journalists were ushered out of the prison ward, so what happened after that is anybody’s guess. BN


Barend Strijdom – Law Correspondent

Barend Strijdom – Law Correspondent

While serving time and trying to fight the system from the inside, Barend learnt a thing or two about the law. He follows the law closely, from a distance, and the law follows him. Do not tell anyone that he’s out.






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