Steve Hofmeyr Reveals New Political Party Manifesto

Steve Hofmeyr

“Ermagherd! Pollytieks!” – Steve Hofmeyr

PRETORIA – Afrikaans singer and Apartheid activist, Steve Hofmeyr, threatened to create his own political party if he gets one million supporters. After much campaigning by his most dedicated worshippers, he managed to scrape together 189 000 followers. He went ahead to form his political party anyway.

This new organisation will be named the Toeka Party, or TP for short. “Toeka refers to a time long gone,” explained Hofmeyr. “We demand change, to change things back to the days before everything changed.”

Even though the next election is still far into the future, Hofmeyr and his cohorts presented the new Toeka Party’s manifesto.

The manifesto contained several key points Hofmeyr feels are essential to transform the transformation of South Africa into something slightly less transformative, and, according to Steve, those key points are as follows:

“It will be out with the new, and in with the old. We will get rid of the Old New South Africa, and it will be in with the New New South Africa, which will be more like the Old Old South Africa, essentially making the New New South Africa a New Old South Africa.

In this New New South Africa, every man will have the right to sing Die Stem whenever he likes. Okay, I realise that every man has the right to sing Die Stem, even now in the current New South Africa. But when I’m president, singing Die Stem in its entirety will not symbolise a desire to bring back Apartheid any more. Mostly because Apartheid would already be back.

The constitution will be changed so that freedom of speech will include freedom from responsibility and freedom from consequence, except for Julius Malema. He will be held accountable for his words no matter what.

Every Boer will have a bakkie. If you can’t afford a bakkie, one will be given to you. No bank or sponsor will be allowed to take away your bakkie, no matter what you say or do.

Men will be allowed to marry only one woman, and only have children with this one woman. Illegitimate children will be unacceptable. This is the Afrikaner way. None of this Black African “marry lots of woman and have children left, right and centre” shenanigans will be tolerated. I am an Afrikaner, and my party will exist purely to promote the Afrikaner way of life.

We, as a party, will work towards a justice system where blacks who are caught speeding at over 160km/h will get released on bail of R5 000, and whites on only R500.

If I’m president, everybody will write with their right hand. The left won’t be tolerated.

Everybody will support the Blue Bulls. Also, I will ensure that every Blue Bull is made a Springbok. Eventually, I will phase out all the other teams, and we’ll be left with only one Blue Bull team, who will play against themselves. And none of them will eat off the floor.

The war against puppeterror will be stepped up. Every person who owns a puppet will be accused of idolatry, branded a heretic and forced into exile. All puppets will be gathered by a special new police unit called Kleivoet. We’ll build a big bon fire and burn them all while sitting around it drinking gemmerbier and singing Neil Diamond songs.

And finally, in the interest of public decency, South Africans will be strongly discouraged from un-Steve-ing themselves.”

According to a source close to Hofmeyr, the singer-recently-turned-politician will travel to Bronkhorstspruit to kick off a nationwide pannekoek sale to raise funds for the TP campaign. Hofmeyr hopes to secure enough funding to register the party for the 2019 election.

The entertainer is undaunted by the mammoth task of leading a political organisation. “I’ve been to many a party in my life. How hard can this be?” BN

Saartjie Vermaak - Entertainment News

Saartjie Vermaak – Entertainment News

Saartjie wanted to be a pop singer but she couldn’t sing. Instead, she started following pop singers around. She became a journalist to avoid getting arrested.

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30 responses to “Steve Hofmeyr Reveals New Political Party Manifesto

  1. Is this a premature Aprils fool joke?? Such a pity stupidity isn’t painful, this poop is a violation of the constitution, this kite won’t fly- but, lets say for a moment this is real and consider some of the variables, South Africa is home to over fifty million people, Steve has like maybe two hundred thousand wondering supporters.. That means for every Steve supporter there are two hundred and fifty non Steve supporters or 0.1% of all the voters in South Africa.. Someone please remind me how much of the voters are required to win an election again!! Steve’s lil sick political career is going to disappoint every one of his blind followers when they realise that Steve is the only one who stands to gain from his campaign, he is stirring this poop pot that he wants everyone to lick the spoon for him to profit . The claims of the article are ridiculous madness- the world is made up of people who are different, if you can’t accept that, your creating your own prejudice and abusive war with yourself and you surround yourself with the poo that will fill your life

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  2. Wie is Steve om te wil besluit met watter hand ons moet skryf ek is n boer soos hy gered uit genade en die enigste persoon wat ons kan reg is Jesus ken hom in al jou wee roep Hom aan en Hy sal ons paaie gelyk maak. Bid sonder ophou vir ons blanke volk en vir elkeen wat die Here lief het . Amen

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  3. aggenee Steve…. jy slaan jou eie naam met ‘n plank…. Ons het ernstig vir jou gestem nie om van fun te maak nie… die oningeligtes sal die nonsens glo en net verdere polemiek uitlok

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  4. Banana newskine, het julle wragtig niks anders om te publiseer nie. Die getuig van uiters swak media!!!! My genade, wat n spul twak!!!!!!!!!

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  5. Saartjie, hier kry jy nou die geleentheid om raakgesien te word. Ten koste van ‘n land. Geniet dit want die oomblik van groot glorie gaan veroorsaak dat jy met jou kop in ‘n ertvarkgat staan… Kan nie glo een mens kan soveel twak skryf nie. En dan LEES ons dit nog… Gaan daal ek dan nou tot jou vlak! Eintlik moet kinders gesien en nie gehoor word nie.

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  6. Ek kan ni GLO mense raak so kwaad oor n satiriese , tong-in-die-kies stuk nie. Waar is julle humor mense? En regtig…is daar regtig mense wat dit ernstig opneem???? Ek kan dit nie glo nie.

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  7. “Eeeee, if it is written on paper, then it must be true”……daar is ‘n gepaste Afrikaanse gesegde: so toe soos ‘n klei os se gat!

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  8. Saartjie ek as Suid Afrikaner kry skaam vir jou, jy slaan jou naam met ‘n baie groot plank, het niemand dit ooit nog vir jou gese nie, wel nou het iemand

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  9. Hmmmm I suppose people like you also deserve a chance to ride the coat tails of someone els to be heard or recognised.
    Wake up! Do someting constructive or fuck off and keep our bullshit to yourself.

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  10. Well…
    Im not a Steve fan, but this article is pure nonsense which makes me very unhappy, because there are fools that believe this bullshit.
    This is uses to unnecessarily voke anger. Please leave your bullshit for your diary entries. This is the reason our country can’t move forward. Coz energy gets put into articles like this instead of it being put into news that is real. Like what our president is doing with our country’s money and their ties with Russia. Stuff that will bring the country to its knees

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  11. Bohahaha… someone is really unhappy at home hence the time he took to gain some attention. If only he new Steve or what he stands for… And for the gullible one braincell brigade believing this…. LMFAO… Fortunately intelligence cant be gained through BEE or tender handouts….

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    • Funny I only see white Steve supporters on here who seems to be dumb enough to take this seriously… how on earth did that happen? Kan wit mense dan ook dom wees!?

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  12. as julle wil kak skryf, skryf net beter kak asb in English , if you want to write shite, just write better kind of shit. u a bunch of brainless people

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  13. mmh. Is dis a way of going back to da past?? Y cnt he say everyman wl own a backie, This is realx a clear indication dat dis TP is a racist party in action. SA is realy in a verge of distraction, I thnk dis thngs of every1 creating a party whenever he o she feels Ful wil ruin this country.. this sumway sumhow wil cauz a ethno-political conflict in Our country.

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    • “this” “the” “why” “can’t” “will” “bakie” “really””think””things””everyone””or””will””someway””somehow””will” “cause””ethnographic” Please go back to school and learn how to spell!!

      Like

    • “this” “the” “why” “can’t” “will” “bakie” “really””think””things””everyone””or””will””someway””somehow””will” “cause””ethnographic” Please go back to school and learn how to spell!!

      Like

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