Wayde van Niekerk Investigated by Olympic Committee for Hyperalienism


Wayde van Niekerk points in the direction of his celestial ancestors.

RIO DE JANEIRO – South African athlete and Olympic gold medalist, Wayde van Niekerk, is under scrutiny from the authorities, following his performance at the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

The sprinter from Bloemfontein in the Free State won gold in the 400m, smashing the long-standing record by American Michael Johnson in the process. Van Niekerk ran the 400m in 43.03 seconds, 0.15 seconds faster than the 43.18 Johnson ran in 1999.

In the aftermath of the race, allegations emerged that Van Niekerk may in fact be part Alien.

According to Olympic rules, athletes competing in the games must be fully human. Having Alien DNA, however little, could constitute an unfair advantage.

Hyperalienism is a condition where extra-terrestrial genetics get fused with that of a human. This fusion causes higher EBE (Extra-terrestrial Biological Enhancement), the result of which may be rapidly contracting muscles, superior stamina or superhuman strength.

The IOC has launched an investigation to determine the amount of EBE in Van Niekerk’s body. To date, the IOC is inclined not to comment on the matter, and all documentation remains tightly sealed.

Should Van Niekerk be found to be above the acceptable level of EBE, he may have to undergo treatment to subdue the effects of his condition.

Reaction amongst other athletes widely varied. British marathoner, Paula Radcliffe, in an interview on BBC radio said, “I fear that when we talk about it in terms of fully expecting no other result than Wayde van Niekerk to win that 400m at the Olympics, then it’s no longer sport and it’s no longer an open race.”

American sports journalist Kate Fagan defended Van Niekerk. In a column for ESPN, Fagan wondered why the South African runner is still on trial. “We have no idea on what point of the biological continuum each athlete resides, and who might have what advantages. And without that knowledge, the people currently ringing the alarm bells on Wayde Van Niekerk are actually engaging in discriminatory behaviour,” Fagan pointed out.

“We need to remember these are human beings,” IAAF President Sebastian Coe told reporters in Rio. “Even if they are part alien, they are still human beings. This is a sensitive subject, they are athletes, they are sons, they are brothers, and we need to be very clear about this. We will treat this sensitively. We need to go back and have the right people looking at this.”

In the meantime, Van Niekerk will hang on to his gold medal.

“I am not a fake,” he told News24 yesterday. “I am natural. I am just being Wayde. I don’t want to be someone I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be someone people want me to be.” BN

Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Like all good sportsmen, Raoul was born in the Free State before being offered more money to move to Gauteng. He has such a keen knowledge of the games that he doesn’t need to watch it to know what’s going on. When he’s not following athletes around, Raoul can be found on his farm near Bronkhorstspruit, drinking whiskey and shooting his gun.


6 responses to “Wayde van Niekerk Investigated by Olympic Committee for Hyperalienism

  1. Stop making up sh1t about wayde please he’s our champion and world record holder. Except it he’s the best in the world and deal with it ok don’t go about cheap low blow tack ticks to make him look bad


  2. So Banana Newsline is basically a forum where true facts are mixed with fictional nonsense just to provide some adolescent readers with a bit of a laugh while wasting the bandwidth of the rest of us and confusing the shit out of those who don’t know any better… does that about sum it up?


  3. When you are looking for a proper article about allegations regarding doping and you come across this circus talking about extra-terrestrials – it is very frustrating and extremely immature. This sort of content should be removed from the internet.


    • If you were looking for a proper article regarding Wayde van Niekerk and doping, you were already confused and didn’t know any better. You should be removed from the internet.


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