CENTURION – President Jacob Zuma has been included into the South African Cricket team to face the Indians in Centurion on Friday.
This comes after yet another dismal performance by the Proteas against India, and yet another dismal performance by the ANC to get rid of Zuma.
Zuma’s allies in the cabinet welcomed the decision to include their leader into the Protea ranks. “The cricket team’s confidence in their abilities is about as low as the rating agencies’ confidence in our economy,” claims the Minister of Finance, Malusi Gigaba. “So I have no doubt that Zuma is the man to turn it around for them.”
South Africa’s coach, Otis Gibson, believe that Zuma’s inclusion will be just the muti the ailing team will need to break the Indian shackles. “Zuma is the perfect man for that position,” he confirmed. “He will steal lots of runs, survive all the appeals, and before the opposition knows it, it will all be lost.”
The batting coach, Dale Benkenstein, has high praise for the president. “JZ has shown the kind of tenacity we require from our batsmen,” he said. “Now he will finally get his chance to actually do something for his country.”
The president also has the right connections to get inside info on the Indian tactics. “There are rumours that he knows a guy who knows a guy, who knows an Indian guy, or three,” winked technical analyst, Prasanna Agoram.
ANC spokesman Zizi Kodwa also confirmed that Msholozi is getting ready to don the green and gold. “No. 1 is ready to go and bat at number one,” he said. “Watch out, he’s going to reverse sweep the whole country.” BN
Like all good sportsmen, Raoul was born in the Free State before being offered more money to move to Gauteng. He has such a keen knowledge of the games that he doesn’t need to watch it to know what’s going on. When he’s not following athletes around, Raoul can be found on his farm near Bronkhorstspruit, drinking whiskey and shooting his gun.