Tag Archives: Manie Vokkens

Affies School Boys Join Hair Protest

Afrikaans Hoër SeunskoolPRETORIA – Students at the Afrikaans Hoër Seunskool (Afrikaans Boys High School) joined the protest against hair regulations at schools. This is following the protest at nearby Pretoria Girls High about discrimination against African hair styles that had education authorities tearing their hair out over the last couple of days.

The bad hair day happened as learners congregated in front of the predominantly white, Afrikaans language school’s main gate and blocked access to the premises, demanding that their hairy qualms be heard.

The boys are outraged by the school’s hair policy, which seeks to ban all outrages hair styles, and claim that the school’s hair regulations discriminates against modern Western hair.

“The school’s hair policy stems from a time before the birth of Justin Bieber,” complained Bart Nel, a grade 11 pupil at Affies. “We live in the new, post-Bieber South Africa. We feel we are being oppressed.”

The boys told shocking stories about the humiliation they suffered when their hair were tested to make sure it fits in with the draconian regulations.

“Teachers would put their hands on the back of our necks,” cried Sias Reneke, in grade 8. “If they can’t fit four fingers between our collar and the hairline, we would be issued a long hair warning.”

Educators also allegedly often insult learners who don’t comply with their antiquated rules. “A teacher once told me I should comb my hair, and that I look like a mattress explosion,” sulked grade 10 student Japie Adam.

“One of the teachers claimed that my spiky hair could poke out his eye,” added Ernie Ellis. “It’s ridiculous. My spikes will bend.”

Students also told how they would use hair gel to keep their hair from falling into their eyes.

Modern Western hair styles, like the Mop Top, Messy Top, High Top and the Flamed-up Top are all outlawed by the school. The Mohawk, Faux-hawk, and the Spiky Do are also not permitted.

Gauteng MEC for education, Panyaza Lesufi, vowed that the department will look into the matter. “When it comes to hair it can be messy,” she said. “It won’t always be cut and dried.”

Here are some examples of illegal hair styles:

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with a Mop Top.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with a Mohawk.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with spiky hair.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with a faux-hawk.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with the messy hair style.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with a wavy pomp.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with an emo cut.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with dreadlocks.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with some kind of hair “style”.

Donald Trump

This is Donald Trump with the Wet Bieber. (Err, you mean wet beaver – Ed) BN

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie enjoyed the privilege of Apartheid rule and never bothered to get a proper education. The regime change left him unskilled, unemployed and broke, so he settled for being a reporter. Now he’s only unskilled and broke.

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Winter Spotted Off the Coast of Cape Agulhas

Cape-Agulhas-lighthouseCAPE AGULHAS – Sailors on board The Flying Bushman, an I&J deep sea fishing trawler, reportedly spotted the winter lurking just off the South African coast, a few kilometres south of Cape Agulhas.

The colder season was apparently skulking around Africa’s southernmost point looking for an opening to sneak in over the shoreline when it was recognised by the small fishing crew.

“I was just standing there, looking over the ocean while tugging on a fishnet,” remembered Langhans de Lange, one of the fisherman on The Flying Bushmen, “when suddenly I thought Djissie, ma dis dan mos die winter daai (that’s winter over there). Then it turned around, and when it did, I knew exactly what it was. It was the winter right there.”

Eyewitnesses claim that winter looked especially menacing. “It was in a foul mood,” remarked Petrus Geduld, another fisherman. “A foul mood, like its last bite of snoek fell on the floor and the dog licked it, that kind of foul mood.”

“Ja,” interjected Langhans. “If the winter makes landfall huffing and puffing like that, you know it’s going to be a cold one. And I’m not talking about a Castle Lager here, né.”

The South African Weather Service sent a team of meteorological experts to the site of the alleged sighting in an attempt to study the unpleasant season first hand, but the winter was nowhere in sight.

The current whereabouts of winter is at present still unknown, but a source within the Weather Service whispered that they are fairly certain the frosty period will definitely rear its ugly head soon.

The public has been asked to keep on the lookout for the wretched season, and to report any activity presumed to be the onslaught of winter. BN

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie enjoyed the privilege of Apartheid rule and never bothered to get a proper education. The regime change left him unskilled, unemployed and broke, so he settled for being a reporter. Now he’s only unskilled and broke.

 

 

Eskom Scraps Kalahari Solar Power Plant – Zuma Blames Apartheid

The melting solar panels of the Kathu solar plant.

The melting solar panels of the Kathu solar plant.

KATHU – The beleaguered South African utility company, Eskom, has scrapped plans to construct the proposed Kalahari Solar Power Plant near Kathu in the Northern Cape.

The parastatal placed the blame for the abrupt cancelation of this potentially energetic enterprise squarely on the sun, the giant heavenly body that forms the centre of our solar system and is a major source of light during the daytime. “The sun is too damn hot,” explained Eskom CEO Tshediso Motana. “The solar panels will melt like a Dairymaid ice cream on a Durban beach in December.”

Eskom’s reputation has already taken a severe knock due to the recent power shortage caused by several collapses at power stations across the country, and the utility company is unlikely to risk building anything else that could fall to pieces. “With all the meltdowns we’ve recently had, our reputation won’t handle a solar meltdown,” said Motana.

“The construction of the new Medupi and Kusile power stations are taking very long,” he continued. “We’re afraid that the construction of the Kalahari Solar Power Plant will take even longer. It’s too damn hot, and workers can’t even lift their arms for fear of death by perspiration.”

Furthermore, Eskom fears that terrain difficulty may also prove to be a potential obstacle. “It’s so damn hot, the sand keeps shifting to try find a spot in the shade.”

Apartheid caused load shedding

President Jacob Zuma recently blamed Apartheid for all the troubles that are plaguing Eskom. The ailing power supplier has been struggling with an electricity shortfall and the persistence of load shedding due to poor maintenance of the power grid.

“The current government can’t maintain power plants and keep them from falling apart or successfully run a power company because many years ago the Apartheid regime only supplied electricity to white people,” he said.

The president also made excuses for the slow construction of the Medupi and Kusile power plants. On completion, the new plants should alleviate much of the country’s electricity problems.

“This government conceived the idea of building new power plants, it organised the construction, provided the funding, and it’s overseeing the whole construction process,” Zuma explained, “but the reason the construction is way over the deadline is because many years ago, the Apartheid government only provided electricity to white people.”

The president also blamed Apartheid for the current government’s slow response in dealing with the crisis.

“It is Apartheid’s fault that we have an electricity crisis, because if the Apartheid regime built more than enough power infrastructure for the new democratic government to inherit, nobody would’ve noticed that the we are too incompetent to maintain it and keep up with expansion.”

According to Zuma, the current government cannot be held responsible for the electricity crisis. “How were we supposed to know that if you expand the electricity grid to serve more people, you need to expand the supply capacity as well?” he asked. “Apartheid never told us.” BN

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie enjoyed the privilege of Apartheid rule and never bothered to get a proper education. The regime change left him unskilled, unemployed and broke, so he settled for being a reporter. Now he’s only unskilled and broke.

Boycott Woolworths for Selling Chinese Products

An angry protester demands that Woolworths save the rhino.

An angry protester demands that Woolworths save the rhino.

CAPE TOWN – An activist group last week started a social media campaign calling for consumers to boycott Woolworths and other retailers which import products from China.

Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS) last week sent out its call in a newsletter and on Twitter, using the hashtag #BoycottWoolworths, to draw attention to what called they called the “mass massacre of rhinos in Southern Africa”.

The campaign says Woolworths imports several products from China including, well, nearly everything on the shelves that aren’t produced by South African farmers. “What does it matter if we hurt South African agriculture?” asked BDS spokeswoman Kwere Kunene. “Woolworths must be stopped at all cost.”

The BDS acknowledged that other stores are also selling Chinese products, but confirmed that they will maintain focus on Woolworths. “Rich people shop at Woolworths,” explained spokeswoman Kwere Kunene. “They have the ability to make a choice. We can’t expect poor people to make conscious decisions about food and other necessities, other than, ‘can I afford to buy it or not?’”

The ANC-lead South African government has no sanctions, and do not intend to impose any sanctions on China. Blade Nzimande, a minister in this China-endorsing government and leader of the ANC-aligned SA Communist Party (SACP), gave his assurance that SACP will join and mobilise in boycotting Woolworths and other such stores selling Chinese goods. “My government’s official position is irrelevant,” he insisted. “We will close Woolworths down.”

Nzimande said that other than a few people in top leadership, very few members of the SACP can afford to shop at Woolworths anyway, so it will be easy for them to boycott the supermarket chain.

The Minister of Higher Education added that South African freedom shall remain incomplete for as long as “The rhinoceros remain under siege”. BN

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie enjoyed the privilege of Apartheid rule and never bothered to get a proper education. The regime change left him unskilled, unemployed and broke, so he settled for being a reporter. Now he’s only unskilled and broke.

 

 

 

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Helen Zille Disrupts Media House, Demands Attention

Helen Zille out in full force.

Helen Zille out in full force.

JOHANNESBURG – A group of Democratic Alliance supporters, led by party leader Helen Zille, invaded media house Media24’s Johannesburg office, creating chaos and forcing several newspapers to shut down temporarily.

Even though security tried to block them off at the gate, at least 300 DA members – including Zille – managed to squeeze through. Once they gained access to the building, they swarmed through the offices, some even helping themselves to journalists’ lunch.

The party demanded that the media pay a little attention to them. “Look, we can cause havoc too,” shouted a deranged Zille while dumping a wastepaper basket over the reception desk. “Just look at that pile of rubbish right there! Now, write about it. Go on, write!”

Zille then took her R300 red lipstick out of her blue designer purse and proceeded to write “The DA is here to stay” on the conference room wall, before kicking over a chair and demanding to see the editor of Rapport.

The DA members – all dressed in blue overalls with blue DA berets perched on their heads – were notably angry that the Economic Freedom Fighters were stealing their thunder and getting all the headlines. “We are convinced that the EFF is an ANC conspiracy to get the media to forget about the DA, and we won’t stand for it,” grunted DA member John Willoughby, before shooting an elastic band at an innocent bystander. “We won’t allow those EFF hooligans to get away with it. We will fight back.”

Despite repeated request to calm down, the mob refused to leave, and proceeded to sing “Write about the DA, write about the DA.” Riot police was called in and finally managed to clear the building.

The DA threatened to continue disrupting the media until they are allowed back onto the front page. “We will be here once a week, every week,” Zille insisted.” Well, maybe every two weeks or so. Our supporters have jobs to go to.”

Several journalists were visibly shaken up by the ordeal. “I’ve never been so terrified,” remarked a shivering Samuel Ngube, reporter for City Press. “Usually we go to the riot. The riot never comes to us.”

Media24 CEO, Esmaré Weideman, reassured the DA that the media group is not deliberately trying to snub the party. “Our readers simply prefer reading about corruption, death and destruction,” she said. “If the DA wants more attention they will have to be more corrupt. Who knows, maybe then they may even win the next election.” BN

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie enjoyed the privilege of Apartheid rule and never bothered to get a proper education. The regime change left him unskilled, unemployed and broke, so he settled for being a reporter. Now he’s only unskilled and broke.

Police Bungling No Longer Part of SAPS Training

A police vehicle skillfully driven up a support cable, as part of the Police Precision Crash Course.

A police vehicle skillfully driven halfway up a support cable, as part of the Police Precision Crash Course.

PRETORIA – In a surprise announcement, the SAPS declared that their advance course in police bungling will be scrapped with immediate effect. The course, taught at police training colleges throughout the country, instructs trainee servicemen in the correct protocol to fowl up any police investigation.

“After a tedious, lengthy inquiry, we have discovered that making a complete mess of police work is no longer standard practice in any advanced nation,” said Police Commissioner Mangwashi Phiyega in a press conference at the SAPS headquarters in Pretoria. “As such, we will be phasing out the required module – Shoddy Police Work in a Civilised Society – from the Police Training Curriculum as soon as we manage to push the order through.”

Police officers in every province are disgruntled about the proposed shift in the approach towards police work. “This is an outrage,” howled Sergeant Dawie Veenstra of the Garsfontein Police Station. “Trampling crime scenes is the reason joined the force in the first place. How do they expect to inspire young people to sign up for the service if this isn’t allowed anymore?”

“Misplacing evidence is an art and can’t simply be done by just anyone. It takes years of practice to ensure that a crucial artefact is not found anywhere, by any policemen, at any station,” moaned Moses Msimang of Mamelodi East. “Without proper training, no rookie constable has a chance of mastering the art.”

Others are worried that the proposed changes may affect their work. “I’ve been told that I may no longer take down incorrect witness statements, said Attridgeville Police Station’s Simon Maponyane. “I’m not even sure if I can be a policeman any longer. Why would they want everything written down perfectly, word for word?”

“We’ve always taken pride in our ability to lose dockets,” said Hennerik Pels of Lyttleton. “When it comes to losing case files, we are truly among the best in the world. I don’t believe we’ll be able to keep this high standard of sloppiness up for much longer.”

“It’ll be sad to see these skills lost,” said Japie Snyman, an instructor at the Pretoria West SAPS Training College. “It has always been such an integral part of the great SAPS tradition. But what can you do? The orders came from the top.”

At present, several other police bungling courses, including the introductory level Taking Bribes in a Courteous Manner for Beginners and the post-graduate Ignoring a Crime-in-progress with a Clear Conscience training modules are still under review. BN

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie enjoyed the privilege of Apartheid rule and never bothered to get a proper education. The regime change left him unskilled, unemployed and broke, so he settled for being a reporter. Now he’s only unskilled and broke.

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SANDF Upgrades its Defence Capability by Issuing Soldiers with Ketties

A soldier training at the SANDF Army Battle School Lohathla in the Northern Cape province.

A soldier training with Denel Infantry Kettie at the SANDF Army Battle School Lohathla in the Northern Cape province.

PRETORIA – The South African National Defence Force (SANDF) hit back at the 2014 Defence Review, which warned of the critical decline of the armed forces due to “neglect, lack of proper ammunition and ageing aircraft”, by revealing the proposed course of action to upgrade Africa’s superpower nation’s military to match its superpower status.

According to Bantu Holomisa, the deputy chairman of the Defence Force Services Commission, every soldier will be issued with a specially manufactured military kettie to bolster their current armaments. “Ketties are quite versatile,” he said. “It can be used in close combat situations on all terrain, and if you run out of ammunition, you can always dig around for more.

Arms manufacturer Denel SOC Ltd is in the process of setting up a new factory in Watloo, northeast of Pretoria, to increase production of military ketties in order to meet the current requirements. “We’re quite satisfied with the progress being made,” remarked company CEO Riaz Saloojee. “The project will create hundreds of jobs for artisans from Mamelodi who are skilled in intricate process of kettie construction.”

The Denel Infantry Kettie (DIK) features a splinter-free wooden grip made from bluegum trees. The elastic slings are made from vulcanized natural rubber and are optimised to shoot nearly straight over medium distances. Denel’s patented ostrich leather pouch provides superior grip to fire off a wide range of projectiles, including ball bearings and small rocks.

“It’s all very green, really,” insisted Saloojee. “The rubber is recycled from old inner tubes, and the bluegums need to be cut down because it is a non-indigenous tree that soaks up too much ground water to the detriment of indigenous flora. We’ll be repelling foreign invaders using weapons made from a foreign invader.”

The DIK also comes with a revolutionary new Denel Rapidfire Ghoen Bag ™, which is a small sack filled with projectiles, mounted on the wrist of the grip hand for optimal access to ammunition to facilitate faster reload speeds.

Denel’s radical new Mechanized Catapult at a secret testing facility near Sannieshof, North West Province.

Denel’s radical new Mechanized Catapult at a secret testing facility near Sannieshof, North West Province.

Currently still under development is the Denel Mechanised Catapult, nicknamed the Cobra, after the snake’s ability to spit at the enemy. The Cobra is a mobile artillery vehicle with a short-ranged firing capability. Fusing ultra-modern all terrain roving technology with cutting edge Dark Ages high calibre projectile discharging know-how, the Cobra can fire an 80kg ball of lead relatively inaccurately at any stationary target, as long as it can sneak up close enough.

Denel engineers testing a prototype of the Bottle Rocket Anti-aircraft Vertical Launch Missile in the companies head office parking lot in Pretoria.

Denel engineers testing a prototype of the Bottle Rocket Anti-aircraft Vertical Launch Missile in the companies head office parking lot in Pretoria.

Future projects include the Bottle Rocket Anti-aircraft Vertical Launch Missile. This ambitious device launches small plastic objects into the sky to disrupt enemy air assaults. It works by popping a piece of Mentos candy into a 2L bottle of Diet Coke, immediately mounting it on a small, portable launch pad before the Mentos causes the Coke to fizz up and hurl the rocket into the sky, and watching it scare the crap out of low-flying aeroplanes, forcing them to retreat.

“Coca Cola is available anywhere, so resupplying the frontlines should be easy,” said Saloojee. “And if you’re cut off from any supply chains, you can always march into a local spaza shop and resupply yourself.”

Holomisa is confident that the updated equipment will ensure that the SANDF maintain a sustainable defence capability. “Nobody will dare to call us a ragtag army ever again,” he said. BN

Remington Steele - War Correspondent

Remington Steele – War Correspondent

Remington was born at gunpoint on the Cape Flats. He spent his whole life following guns around, shooting them with his camera. He believes the pen is mightier than the sword, but he’s still not sure where the fire arm fits into the equation. When not reporting on a war he… Oh, hang on. There’s always a war going on.

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Eskom to Build Hydro Plants in Johannesburg

Eskom's proposed hydro-turbine in Brixton, Johannesburg.

Eskom’s proposed hydro-turbine in Brixton, Johannesburg.

JOHANNESBURG – In an effort to stave off the country’s alarming electricity crisis, South African power company Eskom announced plans to install hydroelectric generators in several Johannesburg streets.

These drastic measures will be implemented during a time in which the region is experiencing severe flooding due to heavy rain, further compounded by load shedding due to Eskom inefficiency. “All our coal got wet during the storm,” said Eskom’s Mandla Mbanga. “So we needed to strategise how we can turn this very bad thing into a very good thing. Now we are going to use the rain to our advantage.”

Eskom’s scheme includes making use of available infrastructure that is currently not being utilised, in order to make up for unavailable infrastructure that needs to be utilised.

“We have all these streets that can’t really be used by cars or pedestrians because of all the water, and we can’t let it go to waste,” explained Mbanga. “Especially not while the people don’t have electricity.

The electrifying venture has been named Project Surge. “We’ll be using the surge of rain to produce a surge of electricity,” remarked Mbanga

Some critics opposed the proposed plans, claiming that the generators will be useless once the rain stops.

Eskom remains adamant that the turbines will not become white elephants littered throughout the city. “We are very confident that, like our power cables, it will be stolen long before the storm is over,” Mbanga insisted.

The power company is showing the world how to take the root of a problem and turn it into a solution. “Here at Eskom we take the question, and answer it with the question.” BN

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie enjoyed the privilege of Apartheid rule and never bothered to get a proper education. The regime change left him unskilled, unemployed and broke, so he settled for being a reporter. Now he’s only unskilled and broke.

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Shark Found in Mpumalanga Pothole

Pothole-sharkMACHADODORP – A woman in the Mpumalanga province of South Africa was terrorised by a terrifying shark on Tuesday. Rosie Morrison of Newcastle-upon-Tyne was lounging in her favourite pothole on the R36 between Machadodorp and Mashishing (formerly Lydenburg) when the frightening incident occurred.

“I was just there, you know, relaxing with a good Danielle Steel and a glass of cheap Shiraz when I noticed that fin,” said Rosie, still jittery after her ordeal. “It was just looming… menacingly.”

Miss Morrison managed to evacuate from the murky water to the safety of dry tar before the vicious aquatic beast could gnash off one of her legs.

The primary school teacher affirmed that the swift reaction of bystanders is what ultimately saved her life from coming to a gruesome end. “I wanted to jump out in horror immediately, but my friend Alison [Botha] insisted that we take a picture for her Instagram first,” she whispered. “Luckily she’s very quick with a camera, and I still made it out in time.”

The Mpumalanga Transport Department took note of the incident and stated that they will deal with the threat as soon as bureaucratically possible. “We will take every conceivable precaution to ensure people are safe from shark attacks,” asserted department spokesman Dumisani Malamule. “In the next financial year we will allocate funds to install shark nets over every pothole on every road in the province.”

Pothole Shark Hunter

An MTPA shark hunter hard at work.

An enquiry by the Mpumalanga Tourism and Parks Agency (MTPA) found that there is a steady proliferation of sharks in Mpumalanga potholes. “We are as of yet unable to determine where they come from,” said conservation expert Fanie Venter from the MTPA. “Although we suspect the rising number of larger potholes may be creating a suitable breeding environment for sharks.

The MTPA regards these pothole sharks as a pest. “Sharks are not indigenous to the area and must be eradicated in order to preserve the natural beauty of the province’s potholes,” he said.

Venter insists that fixing the potholes in order to wipe out the shark nuisance is not an option. He claims that potholes are essential to the area’s tourism industry. “People come here from the big cities to drive around and look at animals,” he exclaimed. “What are they going to talk about at work on Monday morning over a cup of Ricoffee if there are no bad roads for them to fuss about endlessly?”

Authorities are currently still attempting to apprehend the terrifying shark. BN

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Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie enjoyed the privilege of Apartheid rule and never bothered to get a proper education. The regime change left him unskilled, unemployed and broke, so he settled for being a reporter. Now he’s only unskilled and broke.

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RELATED NEWS

Voortrekker Monument Secretly Sold

Voortrekker Monument

The Voortrekker Chinese Plaza in Pretoria

PRETORIA — In a quiet backdoor deal, the South African Government has sold the Voortrekker Monument to Chinese developers in what China has called “the most idealest investment opportunity in South Africa ever.” With this move it is hoped that South Africa’s relationship with China will improve.

It is envisaged that the Monument will soon be converted into the biggest Chinese Plaza in the Southern hemisphere. According to economists, demand exceeds supply in South Africa, which is why China is so desperate increase its outlet presence in the country.

Mr Chin Yang, Economist at the University of London in London, England, noted that South Africa has a rapidly growing middle class, which is not only driving economic growth but also the property market as tens of thousands of people move out of townships and into suburbs each year. “All these people moving out of shacks need cheap Chinese electronics to watch soccer in their own living rooms,” Yang said.

As a result the country is struggling with a housing backlog that Government has been trying to address for years, and continues to do so in a bid to eradicate informal settlements. “The new mall will have a division to retail instant inflatable Chinese houses,” revealed Yang. “That should inflate South Africa’s property market, and speed up the housing problem.”

The South African delegation responsible for negotiating the deal is exceptionally pleased by their vision and foresight to bend towards the mighty Red Dragon. “We are not a fong kong government,” declared key negotiator Botsi Kgomotsi. “We know a good deal when we see one.”

Afrikaner civil rights group Afriforum insisted that the new mall be named Voortrekker Plaza. “You can sell the monument to whomever you want,” emphasised spokesman Dieter Pieters. “But we want to categorically state that we oppose name changes in all its forms.”

The Chinese, in concurrence with their “don’t ask, don’t tell” foreign policy, gave their assurance that no such changes will take place. “We have our foremost scholars inventing a Chinese symbol for Voortrekker as we speak,” reassured Chong Pow of the Chinese delegation.

“Converting the Monument into a modern Shopping Centre is the perfect opportunity for China to contribute to South Africa’s ever-growing economy,” Pow continued. “Global consumerism is the very foundation of Chinese socialism. The Voortrekker Mall will be a true testament to the spirit of hope, joy and fulfilment that comes with rampant consumerism, and I’m just glad the Chinese could be a part of it.”

Our sources could not confirm the amount paid for the monument, in neither rand nor yuan. BN

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Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie enjoyed the privilege of Apartheid rule and never bothered to get a proper education. The regime change left him unskilled, unemployed and broke, so he settled for being a reporter. Now he’s only unskilled and broke.