Tag Archives: Olympics

Your Child’s Hair Could Affect His Discipline

Zoleka

This girl is doomed. Make sure the same does not happen to your child.

Hair and hairstyles have become a major issue in South Africa. Ever since the rebellion of some youths from Pretoria High School for Girls, there has been much debate about the correlation between hairstyles, hair length and discipline.

Finally, science has an answer. It has been discovered that anyone who does not maintain a neat, conservative hairstyle is absolutely doomed. If it’s a girl, tie those locks up, and if it’s a boy, make sure he keeps his hair short, or else… Such a person will have no chance to live a meaningful life and achieve any kind of success. Warn your children now.

If you need proof that anything other than a conventional, short, neatly cut hairstyle leads to focus and discipline, look no further than these young men who wasted their youth by growing their hair.

When Werner Kok grew his hair long, the curly mess caused him to make a nuisance of himself. His bad behaviour forced him onto the rugby field. Further ill-discipline resulted in him being included in the South African Sevens squad, also known as the Blitzbokke.

Things got worse for Kok. Regular lapses in discipline finally landed him in real hot water, and he was sentenced to be World Sevens Player of the Year for the 2015 season. Life gave Kok a second chance when he got injured at the start of the 2016 season.

There was hope that, because of his injury and time away from rugby, Kok would regain his focus, cut off his hair and do something meaningful with his life. This was not to be. In a total disregard for discipline, Kok kept his blonde locks as long as ever.

Finally, Kok reached an all-time low when he, through complete lack of discipline, was included in the squad to go to the Rio Olympics in 2016, where he added a bronze medal to his World Cup gold (2013) and Commonwealth gold (2014).

Not only is Seabelo Senatla’s hair long, but it’s also African. The pony-tailed speedster’s chance to obtain any kind of self-discipline is completely ruined. His dreadlocks were eventually seen by Paul Treu, who grabbed him and threw him into the Blitzbok team.

Despite tying his thin locks up in an effort to regain some self-control, Senatla’s raw, unabashed ill-discipline turned him into a devastating force, and he scored tries with reckless abandon. His wild, fast-paced life finally caught up with him, and turned him into the leading try scorer on the rugby sevens circuit two seasons in a row.

Senatla’s absolute lack of discipline got him gold medals in the Sevens World Cup (2013) and the Commonwealth Games (2014). Still, Senatla remained unapologetic about his complete lack of discipline, until he was also expelled to Rio for the Olympic Games.

Although he was initially saved from the bronze medal through injury before the semi-finals, fellow inmate Francois Hougaard (obviously also ill-disciplined – just look at all those tattoos!) unceremoniously dumped his own bronze medal onto Senatla, claiming he deserved it more.

Much has already been written about Cecil Afrika. Some blame him for the terrible discipline of young men like Kok, Senatla, and others. Afrika has been swinging his lengthy braids around long before they could shave, and there’s no doubt that they would have looked up to him.

Long-haired lack of discipline has meant that Afrika remained a failure most of his life. He was thrust into the Blitzbok sevens squad as far back as 2009, and even won the World Sevens Series as part of the 2009 team. His ill-discipline knew no bounds, and he was eventually World Sevens Player of the Year in 2011.

As he got older, Afrika never regained any form of discipline. His hair remained long and braided, and he continued to be a crucial member of the notorious Blitzbok team, until he too got sent to the Rio Olympics to carry the burden of winning an Olympic medal.

Few people have discipline as bad as Justin Geduld. Sometimes he zigs to the left, other times he zags to the right. His sidestep is almost unstoppable. Maybe, if he had more discipline, he would remain on the straight, and maybe even on the narrow as well.

Geduld’s locks aren’t very long, but it’s tied in a messy bundle behind his head. This unmistakeable source of ill-discipline ensured that Geduld just went nowhere in life, and he finally sidestepped his way into the Blitzbok squad.

He too got his just deserts. After a gold medal in the 2014 Commonwealth Games, the long-haired lowlife ended up in Rio as well, and just as you thought, he too now hangs an Olympic bronze medal around his ill-disciplined neck.

After only a short glance at Rosko Specman, one can immediately tell that this young man completely lacks all kinds of discipline. His hair is long, his style is African, and it’s tied in a bundle on top of his head. He simply oozes ill-discipline. It flows from the top of his skull and down through his entire body.

This terrible discipline makes him break the line quite often, and he sets up many tries for others. Sometimes he even scores himself. He can’t help it, he doesn’t have any self-control.

Specman’s shattering changes in pace wouldn’t happen if he had discipline. Sometimes he meanders aimlessly in one direction, then suddenly he bursts at high speed in a different direction, causing havoc for the opposition.

After causing a lot of trouble on rugby fields around the world, Specman was finally banished to Rio, where they hung an Olympic Bronze medal around his neck.

Trouble sometimes comes in big packages, and Tim Agaba is big. His African locks are not so big, but long enough to land him a spot in the South African sevens squad.

After he was chosen, his life just went downhill. His discipline got worse and worse, until he finally became a critical member of the Blitzboks. The big man couldn’t escape the hard life. He simply did not have the discipline.

In 2016, he too ended up being an Olympic bronze medallist in Rio.

The Blitzbokke’s playing style include pure evils, like creativity and flair. This has made them one of the most feared gangs in the underworld of sevens rugby. Perhaps, if they had more acceptable hairstyles, they would play more conservatively, like their fellow wasters in the 15-man game. Perhaps they may even quit rugby altogether and become accountants. One can only hope. BN

Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Like all good sportsmen, Raoul was born in the Free State before being offered more money to move to Gauteng. He has such a keen knowledge of the games that he doesn’t need to watch it to know what’s going on. When he’s not following athletes around, Raoul can be found on his farm near Bronkhorstspruit, drinking whiskey and shooting his gun.

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Wayde van Niekerk Investigated by Olympic Committee for Hyperalienism

wayde-van-niekerk

Wayde van Niekerk points in the direction of his celestial ancestors.

RIO DE JANEIRO – South African athlete and Olympic gold medalist, Wayde van Niekerk, is under scrutiny from the authorities, following his performance at the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

The sprinter from Bloemfontein in the Free State won gold in the 400m, smashing the long-standing record by American Michael Johnson in the process. Van Niekerk ran the 400m in 43.03 seconds, 0.15 seconds faster than the 43.18 Johnson ran in 1999.

In the aftermath of the race, allegations emerged that Van Niekerk may in fact be part Alien.

According to Olympic rules, athletes competing in the games must be fully human. Having Alien DNA, however little, could constitute an unfair advantage.

Hyperalienism is a condition where extra-terrestrial genetics get fused with that of a human. This fusion causes higher EBE (Extra-terrestrial Biological Enhancement), the result of which may be rapidly contracting muscles, superior stamina or superhuman strength.

The IOC has launched an investigation to determine the amount of EBE in Van Niekerk’s body. To date, the IOC is inclined not to comment on the matter, and all documentation remains tightly sealed.

Should Van Niekerk be found to be above the acceptable level of EBE, he may have to undergo treatment to subdue the effects of his condition.

Reaction amongst other athletes widely varied. British marathoner, Paula Radcliffe, in an interview on BBC radio said, “I fear that when we talk about it in terms of fully expecting no other result than Wayde van Niekerk to win that 400m at the Olympics, then it’s no longer sport and it’s no longer an open race.”

American sports journalist Kate Fagan defended Van Niekerk. In a column for ESPN, Fagan wondered why the South African runner is still on trial. “We have no idea on what point of the biological continuum each athlete resides, and who might have what advantages. And without that knowledge, the people currently ringing the alarm bells on Wayde Van Niekerk are actually engaging in discriminatory behaviour,” Fagan pointed out.

“We need to remember these are human beings,” IAAF President Sebastian Coe told reporters in Rio. “Even if they are part alien, they are still human beings. This is a sensitive subject, they are athletes, they are sons, they are brothers, and we need to be very clear about this. We will treat this sensitively. We need to go back and have the right people looking at this.”

In the meantime, Van Niekerk will hang on to his gold medal.

“I am not a fake,” he told News24 yesterday. “I am natural. I am just being Wayde. I don’t want to be someone I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be someone people want me to be.” BN

Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Like all good sportsmen, Raoul was born in the Free State before being offered more money to move to Gauteng. He has such a keen knowledge of the games that he doesn’t need to watch it to know what’s going on. When he’s not following athletes around, Raoul can be found on his farm near Bronkhorstspruit, drinking whiskey and shooting his gun.