Tag Archives: Rugby

Your Child’s Hair Could Affect His Discipline


This girl is doomed. Make sure the same does not happen to your child.

Hair and hairstyles have become a major issue in South Africa. Ever since the rebellion of some youths from Pretoria High School for Girls, there has been much debate about the correlation between hairstyles, hair length and discipline.

Finally, science has an answer. It has been discovered that anyone who does not maintain a neat, conservative hairstyle is absolutely doomed. If it’s a girl, tie those locks up, and if it’s a boy, make sure he keeps his hair short, or else… Such a person will have no chance to live a meaningful life and achieve any kind of success. Warn your children now.

If you need proof that anything other than a conventional, short, neatly cut hairstyle leads to focus and discipline, look no further than these young men who wasted their youth by growing their hair.

When Werner Kok grew his hair long, the curly mess caused him to make a nuisance of himself. His bad behaviour forced him onto the rugby field. Further ill-discipline resulted in him being included in the South African Sevens squad, also known as the Blitzbokke.

Things got worse for Kok. Regular lapses in discipline finally landed him in real hot water, and he was sentenced to be World Sevens Player of the Year for the 2015 season. Life gave Kok a second chance when he got injured at the start of the 2016 season.

There was hope that, because of his injury and time away from rugby, Kok would regain his focus, cut off his hair and do something meaningful with his life. This was not to be. In a total disregard for discipline, Kok kept his blonde locks as long as ever.

Finally, Kok reached an all-time low when he, through complete lack of discipline, was included in the squad to go to the Rio Olympics in 2016, where he added a bronze medal to his World Cup gold (2013) and Commonwealth gold (2014).

Not only is Seabelo Senatla’s hair long, but it’s also African. The pony-tailed speedster’s chance to obtain any kind of self-discipline is completely ruined. His dreadlocks were eventually seen by Paul Treu, who grabbed him and threw him into the Blitzbok team.

Despite tying his thin locks up in an effort to regain some self-control, Senatla’s raw, unabashed ill-discipline turned him into a devastating force, and he scored tries with reckless abandon. His wild, fast-paced life finally caught up with him, and turned him into the leading try scorer on the rugby sevens circuit two seasons in a row.

Senatla’s absolute lack of discipline got him gold medals in the Sevens World Cup (2013) and the Commonwealth Games (2014). Still, Senatla remained unapologetic about his complete lack of discipline, until he was also expelled to Rio for the Olympic Games.

Although he was initially saved from the bronze medal through injury before the semi-finals, fellow inmate Francois Hougaard (obviously also ill-disciplined – just look at all those tattoos!) unceremoniously dumped his own bronze medal onto Senatla, claiming he deserved it more.

Much has already been written about Cecil Afrika. Some blame him for the terrible discipline of young men like Kok, Senatla, and others. Afrika has been swinging his lengthy braids around long before they could shave, and there’s no doubt that they would have looked up to him.

Long-haired lack of discipline has meant that Afrika remained a failure most of his life. He was thrust into the Blitzbok sevens squad as far back as 2009, and even won the World Sevens Series as part of the 2009 team. His ill-discipline knew no bounds, and he was eventually World Sevens Player of the Year in 2011.

As he got older, Afrika never regained any form of discipline. His hair remained long and braided, and he continued to be a crucial member of the notorious Blitzbok team, until he too got sent to the Rio Olympics to carry the burden of winning an Olympic medal.

Few people have discipline as bad as Justin Geduld. Sometimes he zigs to the left, other times he zags to the right. His sidestep is almost unstoppable. Maybe, if he had more discipline, he would remain on the straight, and maybe even on the narrow as well.

Geduld’s locks aren’t very long, but it’s tied in a messy bundle behind his head. This unmistakeable source of ill-discipline ensured that Geduld just went nowhere in life, and he finally sidestepped his way into the Blitzbok squad.

He too got his just deserts. After a gold medal in the 2014 Commonwealth Games, the long-haired lowlife ended up in Rio as well, and just as you thought, he too now hangs an Olympic bronze medal around his ill-disciplined neck.

After only a short glance at Rosko Specman, one can immediately tell that this young man completely lacks all kinds of discipline. His hair is long, his style is African, and it’s tied in a bundle on top of his head. He simply oozes ill-discipline. It flows from the top of his skull and down through his entire body.

This terrible discipline makes him break the line quite often, and he sets up many tries for others. Sometimes he even scores himself. He can’t help it, he doesn’t have any self-control.

Specman’s shattering changes in pace wouldn’t happen if he had discipline. Sometimes he meanders aimlessly in one direction, then suddenly he bursts at high speed in a different direction, causing havoc for the opposition.

After causing a lot of trouble on rugby fields around the world, Specman was finally banished to Rio, where they hung an Olympic Bronze medal around his neck.

Trouble sometimes comes in big packages, and Tim Agaba is big. His African locks are not so big, but long enough to land him a spot in the South African sevens squad.

After he was chosen, his life just went downhill. His discipline got worse and worse, until he finally became a critical member of the Blitzboks. The big man couldn’t escape the hard life. He simply did not have the discipline.

In 2016, he too ended up being an Olympic bronze medallist in Rio.

The Blitzbokke’s playing style include pure evils, like creativity and flair. This has made them one of the most feared gangs in the underworld of sevens rugby. Perhaps, if they had more acceptable hairstyles, they would play more conservatively, like their fellow wasters in the 15-man game. Perhaps they may even quit rugby altogether and become accountants. One can only hope. BN

Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Like all good sportsmen, Raoul was born in the Free State before being offered more money to move to Gauteng. He has such a keen knowledge of the games that he doesn’t need to watch it to know what’s going on. When he’s not following athletes around, Raoul can be found on his farm near Bronkhorstspruit, drinking whiskey and shooting his gun.


New Rugby Rule: Victor Matfield May Play with a Kierie

Victor Matfield with a kierie

Victor Matfield resting his mature legs in between Bulls practice sessions.

AUCKLAND – The International Rugby Board (IRB) has passed a controversial law that would allow the ageing former Springbok captain, Victor Matfield, to continue his never ending career.

The new law would allow players, in particular the 38 year old Matfield, to play with the aid of a kierie to support the wilting knees and cowering back.

In a special meeting held in Auckland, New Zealand, the IRB decided that the fragility of old age should no longer be the deciding factor when it comes to players hanging up their boots. It was determined that a kierie may be used by players to sustain their elderly bodies.

The IRB laid out strict rules to regulate the use of a kierie during on-field play.

The kierie may be used for support, to allow Matfield to walk upright during the loose phases, but may not be used to give the player an advantage over the opposition.

During lineouts the kierie may not be used. Assistance for the jump must come from teammates, as always. Once the line-out is completed, Matfield may pick up his kierie and hobble to rejoin the maul.

Using the kierie for defensive purposes, such as tripping an attacking player by sticking it in front of his legs is strictly forbidden, and considered a red card offence. Shielding the ball from advancing defenders (known as cynical kierieing) will also not be tolerated.

Matfield and his kierie in action.

Matfield and his kierie in action.

Although the kierie may not be used to ruck the ball backwards, it can provide a foundation while pushing in the scrum.

At no point will a player be allowed to play the ball with his kierie while he is on the ground, although lifting yourself off your knees with the use of a kierie to play the ball will be permitted.

The kierie may only be manufactured from a soft wood. While it may increase the chance of cracking the kierie, it will decrease the chance of cracking a skull.

Matfield is absolutely thrilled about the new rugby rules. “Now I can play until I’m 50,” he grinned. “The Bulls will have no excuse to stop picking me.”

The end is nowhere in sight for the line-out specialist, who retired from rugby in 2011, but made a comeback in 2014. “Those days were hell,” he recalled. “I never want to do that to myself again. I really missed getting trampled in the rucks, pummelled in the driving mall and driven to the ground with a tackle. It was painful for me not to have so much pain in my life anymore.”

“As long as I can still hear the whistle, I’ll keep playing rugby,” he continued. “If only they would legalise on-field hearing aids, so I could hear the lineout call.”

Players from New Zealand and Australia are less thrilled about the new rules. “What the bloody heck is a keerey?” a few of them groaned.

Queensland Reds lock forward, James Horwell, complained about the extension of Matfield’s career. “I was hoping that one of these days we might be able to win a lineout ball again,” he moaned. “I might have to infuse myself with kangaroo DNA to extend my jump.”

Matfield is expected to test his new kierie during a SupeRugby match for the Bulls later this season. BN

Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Like all good sportsmen, Raoul was born in the Free State before being offered more money to move to Gauteng. He has such a keen knowledge of the games that he doesn’t need to watch it to know what’s going on. When he’s not following athletes around, Raoul can be found on his farm near Bronkhorstspruit, drinking whiskey and shooting his gun.

Mbalula Introduces Racial Quotas for Golf

Fikile Mbalula tries his hand at golf.

Fikile Mbalula tries his hand at golf.

JOHANNESBURG – Sports Minister Fikile Mbalula plans to introduce a quota system for golf in an attempt to rectify the racial imbalance currently prevailing in the elitist sport. At present, all South African golfers competing in major international events are white, which is a clear indication that black golfers are underrepresented on the global golf calendar.

Failure to field 60% black players in major tours will lead to golfers being banned from being South African at professional events. Golfers like Ernie Els, Retief Goosen and Charl Schwartzel will no longer be able to say they are South African when they compete in the PGA Tour. They will not be allowed to display the South African flag, and any good performance will no longer be a source of national pride for the people back at home.

This is according to resolutions taken by the Department of Sport following a meeting between Mbalula and the provincial MECs for sport. Mbalula said the group decided to introduce a 60% representation quota after noting that black kids just don’t really play much golf.

The minister cited the great success of the quota system in other sporting codes as inspiration for the new resolution. “As we’ve seen with the rapid transformation of rugby and cricket, forcing top down representation magically spurs on development,” he said.

Mbalula claims that, ten years ago, a kid living in a zinc shack in Tokoza would never have been able to own a cricket bat and pads, and that because of the achievements of black players like Makhaya Ntini, even to the poorest of the poor inexplicably now have access to expensive cricket equipment.

“We’re not sure how it works, but every time Lonwabo Tsotsobe bowls a delivery, a cricket bat poofs into existence in a young boy’s shack,” explained Mbalula.

Even rugby tells of a fairy-tale transformation where lives have been touched by national quotas. “The success on the rugby field of players like Brian Habana and Beast Moriwa has enabled township children to enjoy the same access to high quality facilities and fantastic programs run by experienced coaches as children from middle-class areas.”

Mbalula expects the same transformation success story to happen in golf. “If we have black South African players competing in international tournaments, golf courses will mushroom up in township areas, making the sport accessible to all. If kids from disadvantaged communities can see black players perform, they will be able to afford the great cost involved in playing golf, including clubs, balls and club membership fees.”

In fact, the quota system worked so well in other sport that the ministerial department plans to raise the required number of players of colour in rugby, cricket, netball and athletics as well. “I can already see a magnificent athletics track manifesting itself in a dusty Tembisa field by the sheer willpower of the transformative spirit,” grinned Mbalula.

The minister remains confident that an unwavering belief in supernatural anomalies will finally transform South African sport into a representative entity. “We can make unreasonable demands that would require divine intervention to reshape the socio-economic fabric of society in order to achieve transformation while maintaining a winning team,” remarked Mbalula, “and call everyone who don’t succeed a bunch of losers.” BN


Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Raoul Duke – Sports Writer

Like all good sportsmen, Raoul was born in the Free State before being offered more money to move to Gauteng. He has such a keen knowledge of the games that he doesn’t need to watch it to know what’s going on. When he’s not following athletes around, Raoul can be found on his farm near Bronkhorstspruit, drinking whiskey and shooting his gun.



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Rooibokke to Tackle Wales

RooibokkeJOHANNESBURG – In an historic and radical move, it’s been announced the Springboks will no longer play in their traditional green and gold jersey but rather in red and gold from June 2014.

The colour change forms part of the decision to rebrand the team as the “Rooibokke” as a result of Absa’s official sponsorship of the national side. The kit will be formally revealed in Cape Town later this month and will be worn by the players for the first time in a test against Wales at Kings Park in June.

South African Rugby Union (SARU) chief executive Jurie Roux says they would be “foolish if they did not look at ways to move the game forward” by exploiting commercial opportunities.

“There is always a risk of being dated and we thought there was no better time to make this announcement before the new jersey is unveiled later this month,” says Roux.

New kit sponsor Asics say the colour evokes feelings of passion, strength, courage and power – all values that will be needed as Heyneke Meyer’s side look to finally topple the All Blacks as the world’s best team.

Barclays Africa, which owns Absa, says it is “hugely honoured” to have the South African national rugby team now playing in the Absa brand colours.

The bank’s head of marketing, David Wingfield, says: “We wholeheartedly support this heritage and as the official sponsor of the team, are excited to be involved in this new departure.”

Former Bok captain Corné Krige says that while the decision has surprised him, he feels that fans will quickly get behind the Rooibokke.
“Going from green and gold to red and gold isn’t the end of the world. I think in future kids will be dreaming about playing in red and gold. As we long as we keep the Springbok emblem, it doesn’t matter.”

Source: Eyewitness News