Tag Archives: School

Affies School Boys Join Hair Protest

Afrikaans Hoër SeunskoolPRETORIA – Students at the Afrikaans Hoër Seunskool (Afrikaans Boys High School) joined the protest against hair regulations at schools. This is following the protest at nearby Pretoria Girls High about discrimination against African hair styles that had education authorities tearing their hair out over the last couple of days.

The bad hair day happened as learners congregated in front of the predominantly white, Afrikaans language school’s main gate and blocked access to the premises, demanding that their hairy qualms be heard.

The boys are outraged by the school’s hair policy, which seeks to ban all outrages hair styles, and claim that the school’s hair regulations discriminates against modern Western hair.

“The school’s hair policy stems from a time before the birth of Justin Bieber,” complained Bart Nel, a grade 11 pupil at Affies. “We live in the new, post-Bieber South Africa. We feel we are being oppressed.”

The boys told shocking stories about the humiliation they suffered when their hair were tested to make sure it fits in with the draconian regulations.

“Teachers would put their hands on the back of our necks,” cried Sias Reneke, in grade 8. “If they can’t fit four fingers between our collar and the hairline, we would be issued a long hair warning.”

Educators also allegedly often insult learners who don’t comply with their antiquated rules. “A teacher once told me I should comb my hair, and that I look like a mattress explosion,” sulked grade 10 student Japie Adam.

“One of the teachers claimed that my spiky hair could poke out his eye,” added Ernie Ellis. “It’s ridiculous. My spikes will bend.”

Students also told how they would use hair gel to keep their hair from falling into their eyes.

Modern Western hair styles, like the Mop Top, Messy Top, High Top and the Flamed-up Top are all outlawed by the school. The Mohawk, Faux-hawk, and the Spiky Do are also not permitted.

Gauteng MEC for education, Panyaza Lesufi, vowed that the department will look into the matter. “When it comes to hair it can be messy,” she said. “It won’t always be cut and dried.”

Here are some examples of illegal hair styles:

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with a Mop Top.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with a Mohawk.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with spiky hair.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with a faux-hawk.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with the messy hair style.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with a wavy pomp.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with an emo cut.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with dreadlocks.

Justin Bieber

This is Justin Bieber with some kind of hair “style”.

Donald Trump

This is Donald Trump with the Wet Bieber. (Err, you mean wet beaver – Ed) BN

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie Vokkens – Current Affairs

Manie enjoyed the privilege of Apartheid rule and never bothered to get a proper education. The regime change left him unskilled, unemployed and broke, so he settled for being a reporter. Now he’s only unskilled and broke.


Rubber Bullets Fired as Pupils Invade School in Limpopo

First Grader Tsepo Mopani tries to stop the police from dispersing the crowd.

First Grader Tsepo Mopani tries to stop the police from dispersing the crowd.

POLOKWANE – Pupils of the Boredi Primary School in Polokwane stormed the teachers’ lounge and principal’s office and demanded to be allowed to attend school without wearing the proper school uniform. Riot police were called in to get the students back in line.

Students arrived in the morning to start another school day wearing regular clothing and not the official red jerseys. They were refused entry to the school, prompting them to barge through the school gate and invade the office building. Terrified teachers narrowly escaped as the children screamed into the teachers’ lounge where they were busy having a staff meeting to discuss the school budget.

A few kids took crayons from the grade 2 classroom and started writing slogans on the school hall walls, like “Say no to garbs,” “Out with these outfits” and “We will wear what we want when we want.”

Some of the boys blocked the entrance to the schoolyard with burning tyres while chanting “We are tired of this attire! It must be retired!”

Several of the children were reportedly charged up on a sugar high from stuffing themselves on Mrs Sikelikeke’s birthday cake, and started throwing each other with rooibos tea. “This has not been my happiest birthday,” sobbed the usually stern teacher.

Law enforcement arrived on the scene and attempted to forcefully remove the children from the building. The learners started shooting spit balls at the police using pee shooters, after which the police retaliated with rubber bullets.

Finally, the police threw teargas into the building, and many of the children came running out crying for their mommies.

The students maintain that they are being discriminated against on the basis of their school colours. “School is not about the clothes you wear. It is about learning,” insisted Ifedile Mokgotsi, ringleader of the mob.

“We can learn as much while wearing denim jackets as we can while wearing woollen jerseys,” remarked Beauty Skhothane, captain of the netball team. “You can learn a book wearing any cover.”

“Nowhere in the constitution does it say we have the right to an education, but only if we wear the right garments,” stated Pita Paka, a high scoring science student.

“School is about learning so we can form ideologies. It’s not a military parade,” shouted Klagobetsa Wemba, the school bully.

Grade 5 pupil Wabona Malatsi is adamant that they are helping to solve the country’s problems. “This is job creation, he said. “They should hire my unemployed uncle to come and paint over our crayon drawings.”

Lerato Lekai, a grade 6 learner, said that she doesn’t really mind the red jerseys, but felt compelled to join the protest anyway. “This is what happens when people wear the same uniform,” she sighed. “Birds of a feather flock together.”

Principal Tula Morena was appalled by his students’ actions. “This is what we call a serious wardrobe malfunction,” he scowled. “Rules are rules. If you don’t like it, we can discuss it, but you can’t throw your toys out of your cot every time you don’t get your way.”

Julius Malema, leader of the Economic Freedom Fighters, applauded the children’s protest. “They must join the EFF,” he said. “We’ll put them all in parliament. We need more children in there.” BN


Dumisani Phisane – Current Affairs

Dumisani Phisane – Current Affairs

Despite being previously disadvantaged, Dumisani managed to achieve the 30% mark required to pass matric. It was enough to enable him to secure his dream job: Being a journalist. Dumisani lives on his couch with his two plants.




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